Joe’s Lengthy Weekly Humorous Review. You’ll like it.
Greetings fellow LOST junkies, and Holy Jesus H. Christ! Perhaps even literally. Season Five’s finale gave us enough biblical references, and allegories to fill, well, a bible.
I’m not going to lie to anyone here. I’m still confused as to who the actual good guys are in this one. Granted, it seems pretty obvious that Jacob is the good guy, and if so, then Ben has been (as I have always contended) a good guy with a less than perfect moral compass.
But after two hours of fairly compelling evidence in favor of the ‘Jacob is the good guy theory,’ and as much as I want to believe that at this point – mostly because the other version gives me Charlotte-esque nosebleeds, I’m still not convinced. And dammit I want to be convinced.
The problem with ‘Jacob is the good guy’ is that it’s too freaking easy. But maybe that’s what they want us to believe; because if the solution really looks simple, many of us would start to that assume Jacob is the bad guy. After all, nothing is that straightforward on this show. So of course Jacob is the bad guy, because they laid it out right in front of us that Jacob IS the good guy. They have to flip that on us! Ahhh, but that’s exactly what they want us to think, those tricky devils. Because while we’re all thinking it’s too obvious for Jacob to be the good guy, so he must be the bad guy, they’ll do the double reverse flip, and reveal that Jacob was the good guy all along. Of course he is. Unless that’s precisely what they want us to think’. Oh shit’ nosebleed all over my laptop. Ok, maybe I’ll try to tackle this later. Right now I have to squeegee a half a pint of nose blood out of my keyboard.
Spinning Wheel, Got To Go ‘Round
We begin the ‘The Incident’ with Jacob at the spinning wheel. Or was that the wheel of fate? Or the wheel of karma? I know it wasn’t the Wheel of Fortune, because I didn’t see Pat Sajack’s bad haircut anywhere near that scene. You know what I did see in this underground lair though? Fire. You know what underground and fire usually conjures up in a biblical sense? The devil. I’m plugging my nostrils with cotton balls to prevent another hemoglobin leak.
Regardless, a spinning wheel, looping over and over seems kind of metaphorical, don’t you think? Eventually this looping creates a thread, and as we were told at the end, it takes a long time to create this thread, but that’s kind of the point. Forgive me if I communicate cryptically, but after watching this show for 5 seasons, I’ve picked up Cryptic as a second language.
Fish. It’s the Island’s Version of Lucky Charms
After his morning loom, Jacob finds himself a bit peckish, so it’s off to the fish trap. Hey isn’t there some stuff in the bible about fishing? Yes as a matter of fact there is. Jesus multiplies the fish and loaves, His disciples are in a fishing boat when Jesus walks (on water) over to them, three of the 12 apostles were fisherman, and today the modern icon of a fish on the back of someone’s car indicates they’re either Christian or they have an annual subscription to Bass Master Monthly.
And so Jacob, dressed all in white, cooks up his sunrise snack and is greeted by a bed-headed gentleman, all dressed in black. Oh’ I get it. The guy in black is the bad guy, because he’s in black, and except for Johnny Cash, every man in black is a bad guy. I guess Jacob is the good guy.
Jacob offers to share his banquet with his unnamed dark island mate, but apparently his cranky neighbor has already eaten. We, the viewers, are expected to wonder what he ate, or maybe more specifically who he ate. Nevertheless, he has had his fill of both food and Jacob, and as what I’ll assume is the Black Rock slave ship sails by on the not so distant horizon, he promises to a find a loophole, and kill a very nonplussed Jacob.
The two have a dispassionate conversation about the true nature of man. It’s the kind of shorthand tête-à-tête that is usually overheard between a couple of pseudo-intellectual coffeehouse philosophers, or two diametrically opposed immortal beings on a magical island paradise.