Whoa long time no post…I miss LOST…and this awesome website.  Well I felt inspired by my LOST dvd collection to sit down and write a song about LOST.  This is the first song I ever posted on Youtube, so I’m still working on some bugs.  But check out this song and tell yo friends!

“Constant Tonight”

http://www.youtube.com/user/driveshaft72?feature=mhum#p/f

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Hello to you all.

I stumbled across the following article on readmorebooks.com and it put, in my view, nice and simply where Lost went wrong compared with its influence : The Dark Tower.

Enjoy.

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This will be my last post here so just wanted to say that even though i didn’t post much i’ve checked and read most of your theories and comments as and when i had free time, and i liked them very much.

I’m one of those people who really like everything about “LOST” including “The End”. I know they haven’t answered everything and you feel that most of the things are not connected etc. but none of those things matters in The End. No matter what we say or do we all die someday, and there is not a thing you or i can do about it. People are staling, killing, hating and doing all kind of bad things to get power and money but they will still die someday. So what matters in the end is how we lived our life and this show was all about that.

I’m getting carried away so will end this by thanking all the people who involved in making LOST (even the smoke monster :P) and all of you here at theoriesonlost.com for supporting it. LOST is the best tv series i have ever seen by far and i hope it will get plenty of awards for entertaining us over six seasons and giving us some nice memories to hold on to.

The End.

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Just 4 Hours Left
With a mere 4 hours left of our favorite program, I felt like this episode was good, but not as good as I was expecting. It was like sitting down and seeing a pile of bacon in front of you, but when you put the bacon in your mouth, there’s something not right about it. Not that it isn’t delicious – that can’t be the case, because bacon is never not delicious. It’s just that this particular batch of bacon, delicious as it was, was not as delicious as bacon usually is. Still and all, it was pretty good bacon, and pretty good bacon beats the hell out of excellent corned beef hash. (And I like corned beef hash – it just can’t hold a candle to bacon.)

Pause For Dramatic Effect
We open up to John Locke waking up in his hospital bed. Dr. Jack Shephard smiling beside him. Jack informs the groggy Locke that he might be a “candidate” (hold for dramatic pause) for a new type of surgical procedure to help him walk again. The news intrigues Locke momentarily, but as it turns out, Locke has his own reasons for staying wheelchair bound. There’s something this Locke ain’t saying, but the good thing about the Safe Landing Universe (SLU) versions of these characters is they don’t make us wait 3 seasons before we start to figure out their secrets.
Speaking of secrets, many of us suspected Rose knew something strange was happening way back during that successful plane landing at the beginning of this season. It would appear, thanks to the odd musical scoring and his own dramatic pausing after he uttered the words “flight 815,” that Rose’s husband Bernard is also in on the game. (Perhaps this is how Rose knew Bernard could not have been dead back when he was a a member of the Tailies way back when.) Truth be told, Rose and Bernard seem to know more than they let on since last season when the couple asked Juliet if she’d like to stay for tea.
Bernard, citing doctor/patient confidentiality refused to give Jack any info on Locke’s preexisting condition, but I suspect this was more ancient island rules than some sort of medical ethics. He does hand Jack a slip of paper that reads, “Anthony Cooper, ” and like island-bound Kate just a few episodes prior, bids Jack goodbye with the words, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Lapidus, Key Parties and Sex Cages
Island-bound Kate in the meantime is about relive some old memories of cage sex with Sawyer — except this time there’s going to be plenty more witnesses. Something about the way Lapidus keeps his shirt unbuttoned to his navel tells me this won’t be Frank’s first time in a cage with three other dudes and two chicks.
Widmore assures his captives he is placing them behind bars for their own good. While Sawyer finds that hard to believe, I don’t. I also think it’s entirely possible Widmore would have kacked Kate in the head just to get the 815ers in the cages. Luckily for her, Sawyer knew Kate’s name was crossed off, so he complied without finding out if Widmore was bluffing or not. Widmore, while not a traditional white hat wearing good guy, is definitely working for the good guy’s side. He’s not doing this out of a sense of right or wrong, but more likely out of a sense of guilt over what his greed and lust for power has done to him. (Let his son die, isolated his daughter, and driven an irreparable wedge between himself and the love of his life.)
Unfortunately for Lapidus’ libido, that big dark misty plume of prudishness, the Smoke Monster, is going to piss all over the sex cage orgy before it even gets interesting. Sayid cuts the power, Smokey starts tossing bodies, and Kate, who has the shortest arms in the entire cage is the one reaching for the keys. Luckily, (for everyone except horndog Lapidus) it’s Action Jack to the rescue, and he springs the gang out of the pokey, just like in the good ol’ days.

It’s all About Character
I have always enjoyed the attention to individual characters on this show, so I was happy to see Sawyer, who angrily commanded Jack to “jump ship” a few hours before, offered the doc a penitent thanks. That simple 2-second exchange said quite a bit about Sawyer’s integrity, but it said even more about the writer’s love and respect for each of these fictional individuals. Of course Sawyer would be grateful to be released, and of course Sawyer would feel conflicted about accepting help from a man he turned his back on only a couple of hundred minutes ago. But Sawyer, the contrite former conman turned hero would never allow his pride to come before his masculine code of honor.

Nice Bullets Weakling
A few miles away, Smlocke is so damn masculine that bullets only annoy him. By the way, did anyone do their homework on this guy? Surely Widmore was aware ordinary weaponry was no match for the legendary Man in Black. Sonic fences are a deterrent, so why not equip your military team with handheld versions of that particular disincentive. I don’t know if sonic guns exist, but with Widmore’s resources and his knowledge of what doesn’t work on Smlocke, you’d think he would have brought a few experimental prototypes along for his goons to fire. They couldn’t do any worse.
And so like a 76th level Deathknight slicing through a few 3rd level Tree Druids, Smlocke enters the Ajira, only to find the cabin is rigged with explosives. Smlocke is only too happy to smile his sinister smile and blame the potentially volatile situation on Widmore. Personally I will assume ol’ Charles had nothing to do with the C4 bricks, as it was more likely Richard, Miles and Ben who were responsible for setting up the bombs. I will also assume Ben knew a place back in New Otherton where they could get their hands on the charges. Regardless, Smlocke took the opportunity to place the blame on Widmore, and Sawyer took the opportunity to take Smlocke into his confidence and guarantee his allegiance to Smlocke.
Of course, as good a con artist as Sawyer is he can’t beat the devil at his own game. That’s why Charlie Daniels challenged him to a fiddle playin’ contest. Everyone with a lick of sense knows the devil’s natural musical instrument is the accordion.

Pimpin’ Ain’t Easy
If Jack has figuratively traded places with the original man of faith, John Locke this season, it appears Sawyer has taken up Jack’s old mantra of act first, regret later. Sawyer’s main complaint with Jack’s leadership abilities was that Jack never took the time to develop a real plan. He just went in firing all cold and reactionary-like. Suddenly Sawyer has lost his tactical edge and he’s learning the hard way that leading on the fly is a much bigger gamble.
Jack on the other hand, is happy to turn the reigns over to anyone else who wants the responsibility of the lives of others. He’s willing to go ahead with Sawyer’s plan of push the monster in the water and maybe he’ll melt, but after Kate is shot, and Claire is too close to Smlocke to rescue, Jack is aboard the sub he vowed to not board, and they’re running as silent as they are deep. Exactly as Smlocke planned; and quicker than you can say “I hate this new internet speak,” Sawyer gets pwned!

Khaters Everywhere Rejoice, Then Regurgitate.
So how many of you Khaters squealed with delight when our Katie took a bullet above the heart you didn’t think she had. Hey, I used to be one of you guys. I detested that fickle crotch-teasing wench as much any of you, but this season, and perhaps it’s because she hasn’t had much screen time, I don’t dislike her nearly as much as I used to. I still don’t want to see her end up with Jack or Sawyer (and again, I give the Joe Oesterle Double Your Money Back Guarantee that Sawyer will end up with Juliet) but I’m no longer openly wishing for her death. (That specific passion is now reserved for the character Chloe Sullivan on Smallville. Don’t forget to read my weekly reviews on that show within the confines of this very website. Die Chloe, die!)

Time to Wake Up, Jack.
Back on the SLU, Jack’s is not done rescuing people — whether they want his help or not. He coincidentally runs into Locke’s fiancé, Helen after deducing Anthony Cooper is a resident. This Anthony Cooper however does not seem to have the scheming double-crossing and murderous back-story of the Anthony Cooper we have all come to know and loathe. This Anthony Cooper is a sad invalid worthy of our sympathy. Karmic justice perhaps.
At Locke’s bedside a snoozing Locke is talking nonsense in his sleep. “Push the button” and “I wish you had trusted me.” Again, we can go back the plane ride in this season’s opener where Rose encouraged Jack to “wake up.” Before Jack has a chance to ask John about his dreams, in walks his new little sister, Claire and she’s got some mysteries of her own.

Mirrors and Redemption
Why did “our” dad give me this music box with a MIRROR inside, and why does it play, “Catch a Falling Star?” Jack had no answers, but it would have been cool if he said, “Well Claire, the mirror was a Joe Oesterle Double Your Money Back Guarantee from many seasons ago. Joe also says, dad used to sing that song to you when you were an infant, and he thought maybe if the two of us stared into this mirror at the same time, things would start to click for us on a subconscious level. Joe went further and stated this is also the song you sang to your alternate universe baby. Oh yeah, and Joe also said he would have taken me up on the Apollo Bar from the vending machine. He’s apparently real big on the bacon and chocolate craze that’s been sweeping county fairs in all the known realities. That Joe — he’s a swell guy, and ya know what else? He also predicted Sayid’s selfless sacrificial death immediately after Sayid came back to life in that filthy pool. I wish I were Joe Oesterle. He has all the answers… and the ones he gets wrong, he manages to conveniently never talk about again.”
As it turns out Jack never uttered those words. At least not in this universe, but I still contend it would have been really cool if he had. Maybe they’re saving that piece of dialogue for the series finale.
Inside the escape sub, Jack is busy tending to Kate’s wounds and outside Claire is freaking out to Smlocke that they once again left her behind. “Don’t sweat that detail sweetie,” Smlocke grins in the most menacing way to date. I wonder how long actor Terry O’Quinn spent in front of a mirror of his own perfecting that baleful beam?

Poseidon Adventure
Although Sayid was probably thinking, “Joe called this moment long ago” as he grabbed the bomb, and darted down the corridor on his redemptive suicide mission, his actual last words after telling everyone where Desmond was hidden were, “Because it’s going to be you, Jack.” In an episode entitled, “The Candidate,” and because there’s only 4 hours of programming left, it’s not impossible to imagine he was letting Jack know who the actual winning candidate was.
Boom goes the dynamite, and little pieces of the newly spiritually emancipated Sayid. Smack goes the steel door to Lapidus’ head. Swim like a fat Shelly Winters goes the fat Hugo Reyes, wounded Kate in tow. Leaving just Jack, cataleptic Sawyer, Jin and Sun — who’s not going anywhere. Eventually Jin convinces Jack to leave, and Jack realizes he once again has to let go.
Seems a shame but romantically fitting in a tragic way, that after years of searching for each other Sun and Jin were destined to drown mere moments after their happy reunion. Something tells me however we haven’t seen the last of these two crazy kids, and that something is a shot of SLU Jin walking down the hospital corridor; balloon in hand, visiting his pregnant wife.

Somebody Give Michael Phelps his Bong Back
I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again. These guys are really some powerful swimmers. I’m not sure how Jack was able to make the unconscious Sawyer breath through the oxygen tank, but I’m more impressed with these guys swimming up from the depths that would take a sub 5 minutes to climb. In Jeans and work boots no less. These two really ought to try out for the 2012 Summer Olympics. Or maybe they could go back in time to 1972 and take all of Mark Spitz’ medals. Can you imagine the endorsement deals a couple of gold-winning, time-traveling American swimmers would have? And the beauty party is unlike Spitz or Michael Phelps, these guys don’t have to spend 8 hours a day in training. Just slap a couple of Sketchers and pair of Levi’s and Jack and Sawyer will pwn every swimming record in the world.
On the beach, Hurley, Kate and Jack each break down at the realization Jin and Sun didn’t make it. I don’t know about you guys, but it was tough to see the big man in such pain. By the way, don’t count Frank Lapidus out as a casualty just yet. I need to see the corpse to believe it. Lapidus is still the only person on the island capable of piloting the plane, but more importantly, he now has cage sex orgies as incentive to live.

O’Quinn Pwns Again
As touching as the death of Jin and Sun was, it was so much corned beef hash compared to the delicious bacon of Terry O’Quinn’s performance as the guilt-ridden survivor of a plane crash that cost him his father’s humanity.
What happened, happened, and you can let it go. These were the words Jack used to comfort Locke as well as the words we’ve heard in different variations over the past three seasons. Jack has been struggling with “letting go” for the entire series, and while island-bound Jack seems to be on that road, SLU Jack is hoping Locke could once again show him the way. Locke rejects Jack’s offer, but is intrigued when Jack throws out a final plea, “I wish you would believe me.” Again, a variation of the words, but the exact sentiment John Locke wrote in his suicide note to Jack all those years ago. Locke paused, took it in and left, but we all suspect that’s not the last time this mentor and student will cross paths in this universe.
Somewhere on a remote island in an alternate plane of existence, a very powerful man who bears a striking resemblance to the physically fragile John Locke is more than a tad upset his plan to let the pawns kill each other didn’t go exactly as planned. He senses the true candidate is still alive, and this pisses him right the hell off.

Until Next Week
So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, keep your laptop nearby, load up that bong, but in the meantime, please check out a new advice column on my website. Fellow LOST Maniacs Hanso and BobKM have already submitted and received some sage advice, and you can too. Ask any question your heart desires, and the Educated Fellow will provide you with an answer. Life is easier when you have the answers. http://joeartistwriter.wordpress.com/2010/05/02/ask-an-educated-fellow/

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I’ve been talking about this in some of my comments but I thought it would make a good theory. I believe that the Alt we are seeing is the Real World. Smokie is trying to the leave The Island to reenter the Real World which will lead to the destruction of everything we know and love. The Island is the cork protecting the Real World from this evil being. This is why Widmore says “I didn’t murder them” when Sawyer asks why he killed the Ajira passengers. Widmore knows they exist in the Real World and on the Island they are not in their “real” existences. This is how people can do seemingly evil things on the Island but not be marked as tipping towards the dark side (Ben for example). Some people’s consciousnesses can flow between both like Desmond (Hawking’s, Widmore, etc) and can understand the whole picture.

This is why Smokie knew some of them survived because he was still on the Island and not in the Alt aka the Real World.

what do you guys think?

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Shephard and Smlocke Together Again For the First Time
Jack/Locke scenes never miss. Those two characters grab my full attention every time. I admit, I was wondering how this confrontation would eventually play out. As we all know, this wasn’t a real Jack/Locke scene, it was a Jack/Smlocke scene, and like someone might say in a Burt Reynolds movie, I dug that scene.
So it wasn’t Locke, but then again, it wasn’t really Jack — at least the Jack we’ve all come to know and love, and be disgusted with, and then feel sorry for, and then like again, and then get sick of pretty soon after that, and then he does something cool and we like him again, but then he acts kind of mopey and dickish amd we’re really past the point of caring, but then he gets all cathartic at the lighthouse and smashes shit and then we’re all like, yeah Jack, do it man! And then he gets reflective and stares out at the ocean, and he finally gets it, and then we’re completely back on his side. So yeah, Jack is Jack, but he’s a better Jack, and even when Jack was a great Jack he wasn’t as good as this Jack.
Anyway, this Jack is not a man of action. He doesn’t act without thinking. This Jack doesn’t even act without permission — from Hurley no less. Of course Hurley was more than cool if Jack wanted to traipse into the dark jungle with spooky Smlocke. Hurley may be a de facto leader at this point, but he doesn’t mind delegating authority when the mission scares the crap out of him.

Brave Jack
Speaking of being scared, Jack was scared too, but more importantly he was brave. That seems to be the difference between Jack’s encounter with Smlocke and Desmond’s meeting with the nasty bald one. Desmond was serene. He seemed to know the outcome of this story. He had nothing to fear. Jack on the other hand has no vision of how this will all play out. Desmond has a strong feeling. Jack has faith.
Now who didn’t believe Smlocke when he told Jack he was his father on Day 3? I didn’t. It’s possible he was his dad that day, but I saw a piece of cut footage from that episode years ago where Christian says to Vincent (remember Vincent — looks like he’s gone the way of other TV pets like Tiger from the Brady Bunch) something along the lines of “He’s got a lot of work ahead of him.” Now I realize that scene isn’t canon, but I have a hard time believing Smlocke was Christian on that particular day.

Ghost Daddy Issues

I do assume both Jacob and The Man in Black have traded taking turns playing the part of Christian. That or Christian has been Christian now and then. If Richard’s ghost wife can visit him on the island, there’s no reason Jack’s ghost dad couldn’t do the same.
It’s a safe bet to assume Smlocke hasn’t always been Ghost Christian, because he appeared to Michael on the freighter. (And how could Smokey have gotten on the freighter when he has that water aversion?) And more dramatically, he could not possibly have been Ghost Christian in the hospital during Jack’s 3-year off-island sojourn. If he were, then he would have already successfully made it off the island.
What have we learned from this? We have learned that Smlocke, like the devil, mixes the lies with the truth. Jack says he has no idea what the hell Smlocke is. Smlocke coyly rejects Jack’s feigned ignorance. Jack at least has an idea, and that idea is Satan.

Don’t Chew Be Talking Bad ‘Bout Locke

Jack isn’t thrilled with Smlocke’s lack of respect towards his kinder, gentler look-alike either. Smlocke calls Locke stupid, and worse yet, a sucker. Jack has become a disciple of the late great Johnny Locke, who himself was a disciple of the late, greater Jacob, and Jack is completely down with Team Jacob.
Speaking of Locke, our favorite substitute teacher is on route to the hospital after Desmond collected his 25 points for running over a guy in a wheelchair. Why did Des run over Locke in the first place? Was it because he was trying to kill Locke so he could never be Smlocke? Doubtful. More likely, he was either trying to “wake up” SLU Locke, or introduce him to Dr. Jack Shephard, or both.

House of Mirrors
I’m not sure if I ever mentioned “mirrors” before in this column… Oh wait, now I remember. I always mention mirrors, because years ago when I mentioned my mirror theory it was met with more than a few dismissive waves of the hand. Anyway, Locke’s car accident and unavoidable meeting with Doctor Jack mirrors in my mind how Jack managed to successfully and miraculously heal his ex-wife Sarah after her car accident. She, like Locke was in a car accident shortly before her wedding day, and Jack fixed her up real good. Anyone assuming SLU Jack manages to pull off the same trick with Locke. I’m hoping so. I’m also hoping he doesn’t feel compelled to marry Locke when he’s all better. That would probably be a bit too much for Helen to take.

Time Flies
If you noticed Jack, Smlocke and Claire all spirited away into the jungle during the pitch of night only to reemerge after a couple brief conversations in the sparkling midday sun, there’s only three possible explanations. Either it was a continuity problem, and I highly doubt that, (especially because so many non-believers in my Mirror Theory tried to sluff that observation off as a production gaffe) or they really walked really, really far to have their private chit-chat, or as Daniel Faraday observed a couple seasons ago, time moves much differently on the island than in the real world. I’m going with that thought.
By the way, we’ve all given respect for the acting of many of the regulars on here, but once again I’d like to give a little standing O to Matthew Fox. (Ok, I’m not really standing, I’m sitting here at 2:00 working on my 5th can of Coke, trying to stay awake and avoid grammatical errors because I know some of you hate that.) Fox conveys a lot of emotions with just a glance and a smile. His scene with Emile de Ravin once again showed off his acting chops. “Whether you like it or not, you’re with him now,” forewarns de Ravin’s Claire.

Hell, Hell, The Gang’s All Here
It was nice as Smlocke so eloquently put it, to see everyone together again. Hurley and Sawyer hadn’t had a scene in such a long time, it was nice to see those two mix it up again. Sawyer knows his Star Wars references. He knows what a Wookie is, and he knows what the dark side is, but he’s not a full-blown, dress up like Obi Won, and camp out overnight for tickets to the shitty movies geek like Hurley. Sawyer believes Sayid is a lost cause, but Hurley still remains optimistic. As do I. Mainly because I predicted Sayid would sacrifice himself for the safety of his friends, and die in a selfless, redemptive fashion — much like Anakin does in the third one… which is really the sixth one. Regardless, Hurley has just equated Sayid to Darth Vader. Mark my words (if you didn’t when I said it months ago when Sayid was reborn in the dirty water baptism of Dogen’s temple. Sayid will forfeit his life, so that others may live. (BTW, Ghost Sayid will be reunited with Ghost Nadia, who will be dead, and no longer legally married to Sayid’s brother, so they can have all the guiltless Ghost Sex they want for all eternity.) You have my Joe Oesterle Triple Your Money Back Guarantee* on that one.
*Warning, Joe Oesterle’s Triple Your Money Back Guarantee comes with the same promise of payment as his Double Your Money Back, and his regular old, Single Your Money Back Guarantee.

Red Delicious
Meanwhile on SLU, Sawyer, also known as Detective Ford takes a bite of an apple and offers it to fellow sinner and captive, Kate Austen. This is undoubtedly an tip of the cap to Adam and Eve seekers, but there’s no way Sawyer and Kate are Adam and Eve. You have my Joe Oesterle Triple Your Money Back Guarantee* that Sawyer will be sipping a coffee with the love of his life, Juliet in some coffee shop on Sweetzer and Melrose before all is said and done.
*Warning, the validity of Joe Oesterle’s Triple Your Money Back Guarantee was already explained two paragraphs ago.

Play It Again Sam
So there they were, Kate and Sawyer being all bantering all playful and lusty like the old days in the sex cages. Deyective Ford paraphrases Bogie with “Out of all the cars in Los Angeles, you smash into mine.” If you recall, Bogie didn’t get Ingrid Bergman in that flick. He probably went Dutch on an espresso with some other broad after the credits rolled.
Despite being handcuffed to the chair, Kate was declared the winner of that round after cleverly figuring out the charming officer didn’t want his Australian holiday leaked. This display of deduction intrigues Ford, but before he can serve the next flirtatious volley, he gets called away to check out Sayid the Jabroni. (Who knew Miles was a Hulk Hogan fan?)

The Section in Which I Reference Star Trek
Meanwhile back on the island Liz Lemon orders an air strike. The Losties all duck for cover during the explosion, but not Smlocke. Smlocke smlirked. Missile don’t hurt him, and he knows it. So why, you wonder would Charles Widmore, who must be armed with this information as well, start bombing Smlocke? The answer: He isn’t trying to bomb Smlocke. Widmore knows Smlocke can’t be defeated with bombs, and he also knows Smlocke needs all the candidates alive in order to leave the island. He may only need the actual candidate alive, but since Widmore doesn’t seem to know who that person is, (nor does Smlocke) Widmore is willing to play the cold game of “I’ll kill them all if it means you can’t get off the island.” Widmore isn’t a bad guy. Smlocke is. Widmore is however in a position of power, and is equipped with a little knowledge. He is willing to sacrifice the lives of the few, because they don’t outweigh the lives of the many.
It was nice to see Ilana again. Not sure if my far-fetched Ilana was in bandages because Jacob time-traveled to rescue her after she was blow up and pieced her together in a crummy remote third world hospital theory will ever pan out, but you will notice I don’t give it even my Joe Oesterle Single Your Money Back Guarantee*.
*I you haven’t figured it out. It’s worthless anyway.

Desmond is Well
Like Jacob, Locke and Jack before him, it’s now SLU Desmond’s turn to reacquaint himself with some old friends. This time, as fate would have it, he meets up with Claire again and offers to introduce her to a lady lawyer he’s “seeing.” We all know what “seeing” means in SLU Desmond’s world, and good for him. If you’re going to have to live on an island for three years pushing a button every 108 minutes, and then you get into an exclusive relationship before you get to sew any wild oats, you should be allowed to exercise some indiscriminant fornicating in an alternative universe. It’s cosmically just.
Island Des on the other hand is down the well – busted, bloody and damp. Luckily he has those transferred memories of alternative universe indiscriminant fornication to keep him going so when Smlocke’s hit-bitch Sayid makes a visit. Seems Smlocke made Sayid a promise to reunite him with his lost love. This is a subject Desmond Hume knows a thing or two about, and he gives Sayid time to pause and wonder if following Smlocke’s orders is such a good idea.
I’m starting to wonder if Terry O’Quinn is lactating. Those moobs of his are getting fuller each week. Too bad babies are such a rare occurrence on LOST Island, because those tits of his could easily nourish an island full of newborns.

Look, Up in the Sky…
It’s worth wondering why Sayid was staring up at the trees, or the sky when Smlocke finally tracked him down. I have no theories whatsoever on this matter, but I am on Coke number 6, and my eyes are starting to bleed again. If anyone feels like giving their own guarantees, I’m open. Did Sayid shoot Desmond? Maybe he did, but he was definitely lying when he said he killed him. (It was interesting that Smlocke followed up Sayid’s admission that he “shot” an innocent man, with, “did you kill him?” Smlocke enjoys playing with the truth, and Sayid enjoyed playing with Smlocke a little here.
A few seasons ago, Jack would have told Claire about Sawyer’s plan to escape on the “Elizabeth.” This Jack must have felt the responsibility to his half sister to at least feel her out vis-à-vis her loyalty to Locke – but to his credit, Jack once again, followed orders. (It is not his strong suit as Sawyer pointed out.)
It came as no surprise to me that Claire would find her way onboard from the moment Sawyer forbade it. That’s how this show works. I was happy to see that Jack, while he had to be tempted to include his crazy sister in on the escape plan, didn’t. Not that I wanted him to ditch the saucy little Aussie, but I wanted to make sure Jack would trust his faith, and Jack’s faith is guiding him to not make bold moves.

Cap’n Sawyer’s Love Boat
Kate manages to convince Claire she’s still one of them, and Sawyer decides it’s time to have some guy talk with Jack. Once again, we are treated to a mirroring of previous seasons. This time Jack Shepard is playing the role of John Locke, and Sawyer is doing his best Jack Shephard impersonation. This scene echoed the one in which Locke pleads with Jack not to leave on the helicopter. He implores Sawyer to search his feelings (he doesn’t say it, but it’s implied) but Sawyer is way past caring. He still furiously holds Jack responsible for Juliet’s death, and Jack manned up and apologized for his role in her demise.
In another mirroring, Jack selflessly jumps into the ocean ala Sawyer on the chopper all those years ago. I gotta say, these guys are some seriously strong swimmers. Jack had to be a mile offshore wearing shoes, jeans and a backpack, and still managed to stand upright when he finally made it to shore.

General Hospital Drama
Back over at SLU Hospital, Sun, who had previously freaked out at the sight of an injured John Locke, just received the news that both she and her baby were fine. Jin, perhaps prophetically tells her, “We’re all going to be, okay?” This certainly hints at a, to borrow a title from a recent episode, “Happily Ever After” ending for all involved. Oh, and you know who I think was the attending doctor to Sun Paik? A certain baby doctor, who very probably gave birth to David Shephard, and also will be sharing a cuppa with a certain charismatic former conman in another life. That’s who I think is Sun’s physician.
In another wing at the same hospital Jack looks down into a mirror (there it is again) and recognizes his patient.

It Was No Des and Penny

And finally Sun and Jin get their much-anticipated reunion, but I have to say, it fell a little flat for me. Especially when compared to the Des/Penny reunions, and even the Hurley/Libby get-together. Lapidus’ corny line didn’t do much to help the fact that while touching, the embrace did not live up to expectations.
Any warm and fuzzies you had were short-lived anyway, because Widmore ordered Lemon to take our Losties hostage. My guess is Widmore won’t try to kill them, but he may make sure they don’t have the ability to roam free while he’s trying to capture/kill Smlocke.

Shephard and Smlocke Together Again For the Second Time

With Jack unaccounted for, Widmore gives the order to fire on the other island. Again, that mortar came dangerously close to Jack, as he was sent flailing a good 30 feet into the sand. I’m curious what was actually being said while Jack was coming to. I have a hunch it may have been the operating room chatter as SLU Jack was trying to save SLU Locke.
And so Smlocke threw Jack over his enormous breasts, then over his powerful shoulders, and rescued his long-time nemesis. Of course it was not the act of a hero, but the act of a man who needs something — and that something is to keep all the candidates breathing until he’s off that island. I have to say, something in O’Quinn’s final words to Jack made me think the old Locke was shining through, but his words unfortunately harkened back to Claire’s caveat, “ You’re with me now.”
I’m making one more prediction tonight (3:49AM Wednesday morning L.A. time) Jack will lose the ability to walk for a brief time.

Until Next Week
So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if want to spot Nestor Carbonell — He was hiding underneath the walkie-talkie Smlocke smlashed.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings the Jack/Smlocke summit) keep your laptop nearby, (You’ll never know when you might need do Google.. hah, I didn’t even need Google this time) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.

Check out some of Joe Oesterle’s artwork. He just updated the Design section on his site. Let him know what you think.
http://joeartistwriter.wordpress.com/2009/10/29/design/

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The key to the series was Season Five’s 16th episode, The Incident. This is how the show is going to end. Just like MIB can be numerous people (MIB, Locke, etc.) so can Jacob. So at the end of the series, I am unsure of how they will exactly get there, it is going to be new Jacob portrayed as Jack and new MIB portrayed as Locke. The two will be sitting on the beach just like in the episode, The Incident, and a new boat, plane, train or taxi filled with new people will be on their way to the island to start the process all over again.

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What’s going to happen when LOST is over? I mean to us? I don’t know what I will do with my time and crazy ideas anymore. I suppose we can start by watching all the episodes over again, but what will happen after that week is over? I guess we can pace ourselves and look back for any clues that are there or we think are there.

I’m sure more and more people will start watching LOST, but it’s not like they can post any “new” theories about what is going to happen. Maybe we can have discussions like “all my co-workers think I am crazy for talking about LOST so much” or “How can I be Daniel Faraday for Halloween and have people know I still dressed up?”

I planned on making my own Dharma Beer and officially changing my “goodbye” to “see you in another life, yeah?” No one really knows what I am talking about though. Are there any Charles Widmore’s out there that can buy an island for us to go live on? Maybe if we have a bake sale, 50/50 raffle or something we could get the funds.

Should we all get a new show? My vote is for Flash Forward. We could come up with theories for that; here is a quick one from me “When they blacked out they dreamt of the future, in episodes we are shown animals (kangaroo, butterfly, camel, crow, etc.) whose dream symbolism relates to the character and the situation they are in.” Enough about Flash Forward though, this is a LOST site.

I will just have to enjoy what little LOST time we have left and realize that I will never not know what is in the hatch or what the Four Toed Statue is. I will continue to watch shows and look for books and obscure references to find out if we are given a clue to the big picture. This is the best show ever and it only ends once…

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This special dagger that supposedly can kill the smoke monster and Jacob has a specific set of instructions that come with it. Something along the lines of “you have to kill him before he speaks to you.” Now, if you rewatch the scene where Sayid stabs MIB, he technically didn’t follow directions as the MIB says “Hello Sayid” before he stabs him. The second time we see the dagger, MIB gives it to Richard to kill Jacob, with the exact same directions. Once again the person with the dagger doesn’t follow the directions. Now, if we believe these instructions (that have been repeated twice), then it got me thinking, whoever has not spoken to MIB yet, can still kill him. So who hasn’t spoken to him? So far I have only come up with these people.

Jack, Hurley, Desmond, Ilana, and Frank (If you come up with anymore please let me know)

If the directions are correct, than I believe one of those people will end up killing MIB. One problem with my theory though is I’m not sure if speaking to the MIB counts if he is in someone else form, for example Christian Shephard. A question I had that I’m hoping someone could answer is when Ben killed Jacob, was the weapon he used the same dagger?

To go a little farther on my theory, there’s something I’d like to point out. We all know Frank was supposed to pilot 815 but he overslept that day. Now think back to season 1. Who is the first person who died on the island? (I’m not talking about the guy who got sucked into the planes engine, or the cop who came with Kate) The person I’m talking about is the pilot. That was supposed to be Frank who died, but instead, he wound up on the island alive. There would be no reason to keep a character like him around unless there’s something more to it. This leads me to believe that Frank has a greater purpose, something important to do…like kill the MIB with the dagger.

Now I know there is no way the writers would ever make it so Frank ends up killing the MIB, but I was just hoping to put some stuff out there, on some things I feel havn’t been discussed enough yet and see what comes back. This is my first post on this site just for the record, hope you enjoy.

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Written 1st April

Ok, I dont know how many people on this site in particular go to comic con and/or listen to the official Lost podcast w/Darlton or are aware of their love for Stephen King. I also dont know how many of you are Stephen King fans. When I was younger, I was a huge fan, the only thing I haven’t read of his is the Dark Tower triology. I go to a lot of other sites that theorize about Lost and cant just get over how much everyone talks about it being the answer to Lost.

Seeing as how I have read ‘Our Mutual Friend’ I was saving the Dark Tower for a time of sheer and utter boredom which my Tuesdays have turned into, so I that’s what I am going to read for the week that Lost takes a break, not this week coming up (April 6) but the week after that.

I have read ‘The Stand’, the unabridged author’s cut if you will, when I was ten or eleven and it has been an old standard that I love (just not the mini-series). I always see so many similarities to ‘The Stand’ when I watch Lost, especially this weeks episode when Sun couldn’t talk and had to start writing, like the deaf mute character who spends the whole book doing it.

So if you have read both books which one do you think Lost is most similar to and why?

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This is my big theory. It will contain everything I believe about LOST so far. Based on last night’s episode, I think this will be good.

Background Information
The Island – The Island itself is an amazing place. It holds down an immense store of evil, preventing it from unleasing Hell on earth and destroying the good in everyone. This evil is burried under the Island, and is held back by two massive stores of energy. The Island moves and hides to prevent anyone from unleashing the evil upon an unsuspecting world.
The Protector – The Protector of the Island has one job: make sure the evil stays on the Island. To do this, he has special powers, such as natural immortality (I use this term to distinguish it from absolute immortality. Natural immortality prevents a natural death, while absolute immortality prevents both natural and man-caused death), healing, the ability to influence people’s thoughts, and the Touch are all I’m sure of.
The Touch – What is the Touch? The Touch is the ability of the Protector to gift others to aid in protecting the Island. This gift can come in different forms, depending on the person it is given to and the person giving it.
The Story of Jacob and Flocke
Jacob is the son of a previous Protector, but not the oldest. His older brother, Flocke, was to become the next Protector. (Alt. version: Jacob is the Protector’s nephew, and Flocke is the Protector’s son) His mother, however, distrusted Flocke. She thought that he shouldn’t become the next Protector, and set out to give that title to Jacob (either her younger son or nephew). She tricked Jacob and Flocke into going to play down by the Frozen Donkey Wheel (it was made ages before as a “faucet” for one of the energy pockets). Not knowing that is was connected to one of the energy pockets trapping the evil, Flocke turned it. This let out an enormous amount of energy, giving the Island its special properties, but also letting out the evil from beneath the Island.
This evil came out in the form of black smoke, and killed Flocke. With Flocke dead, his mother quickly pushed for Jacob to become the next Protector. The title was granted, and Jacob inherited his powers. Unfortunately, they soon found that Flocke had returned. The evil had revived Flocke’s body and taken it. The new, evil Flocke awoke to find that his “crazy” mother had helped set up his brother/cousin as the new Protector. This made him furious. He turned into the Smoke Monster and killed everyone but Jacob. Because Jacob was the Protector, Flocke was not allowed to kill him. In Flocke’s eyes, Jacob had something to do with the scheme his mother has devised, and thus he felt betrayed. The evil in him gave him a more important resolve, though, and that was to escape the Island and corrupt the world.
Jacob quickly discovered what had happened, and decided to hold Flocke on the Island. When he realized the plot made by Flocke’s mother, he was appalled. Unfortunately, he couldn’t give the title back to Flocke, him being evil. From that point on, Jacob and Flocke were locked in a strong disagreement. Flocke, being evil itself, felt that all man was inherently evil and would ultimately live a life of sin. I want to clarify here that the belief isn’t evil, and doesn’t make one evil. However, it is like the liar’s suspicion. If one lies a lot, he distrusts everyone. In the same way, if one is evil, he feels that others are also evil. Jacob believed that, even though man did wrong, he was ultimately capable of rising above and being good. This caused Jacob to begin bringing men to the Island so as to prove man’s goodness, possibly holding Flocke back and decreasing his power. Finally, we reach the season five finale scene. The Black Rock lands, and Flocke’s escape plan begins.
The First Candidate
When Richard comes to the Island, Flocke believes he has found a loophole. He attempts to manipulate Richard into killing Jacob, which fails. At this point, Jacob realizes that he can’t stop Flocke forever. He decided he needs to be ready in case he dies. By offering Richard the job and by Touching (not just touching, such as the fight, but the Touch after Richard’s request) him, he nominated Richard as the first candidate to replace him.
Flocke’s Plan
Later, Flocke’s form became too old. Having died, it wasn’t exactly in shape to live forever. Thus, he decided to find a new form. Having gained his body-cloning powers by being the Smoke Monster, he looked for a new body. He tried many, such as some from the Black Rock and eventually DHARMA, he was not satisfied. He wanted one he knew he could use to make his loophole. Finally, he saw Locke. Locke had just flashed when Flocke saw him. He began following, and took the form of a dead Other to watch. Eventually, he ssaw Locke’s conversation with Richard, telling him to see him once he’s born. Flocke decided that Locke was his target. So he begins scheming. Jacob also saw Locke, but took little interest.
The Losties
In 1974, Jacob found the time-travelling Losties in DHARMA. He realized at that moment that something was going on. He knew that the FDW would be pushed one day, and that the only person who could be behind such a thing would be Flocke. Pushing the FDW again would allow Flocke to grow to full strength, dispel some of the Island’s ability to protect itself, and ultimately allow the death of Jacob. Jacob left the Island and began Touching people, based on their situation. In ’77, he Touched some more people.
Before I go to 2004, let me speak on DHARMA. They found the Island by accident in a sub in the 1950s, and quickly discovered its unique properties. The two pockets of energy intrigued them, and they built the Orchid and Swan to study them. Early on, they turned the FDW, and discovered the Island’s time-travelling abilities. Unfortunately, this awakened the at-this-time inactive Flocke, and thus they had to construct the sonic fence. After the Incident, the other energy pocket was unleashed, allowing Flocke free reign on the Island until the button was created. The blockage of energy with the button prevented Flocke from ever becoming too powerful at one time.
In 2004, Desmond failed to push the button. This signalled Flocke that it was time for him to manipulate. Jacob knew his time was short when Desmond first arrived (he realized that Desmond was already important because of his relationship with Charles Whidmore), and thus used him to bring Ocean 815. He quickly began working to narrow down his replacement. As Jacob worked, Flocke found Christian’s coffin. He destroyed Christian’s body and began using his form to manipulate the Losties. After Desmond turned the fail-safe key, all of the energy restricting Flocke dissipated. With no more restrictions on his power, the only thing getting in the way for him was the rule (this rule was established in the Island’s beginning): he couldn’t kill Jacob. Using his newfound power, he eventually made Ben and Locke turn the FDW, which eventually gave Flocke his new body as Locke.
So, now, Jacob works from beyond the grave to quickly get himself replaced and stop Flocke from leaving the Island. If Flocke does leave the Island, the Island itself will fall into destruction and essentially become Hell itself, while the rest of the world becomes infected by the evil from Flocke.
Answers to Important Questions
Wharfrat77 asked some good questions for this theory, and here are the answers:
“Who was in charge of the others during the Purge? MIB or Jacob” – In this theory, the Purge was the work of Flocke. He’d already seen Locke and was plotting his loophole, but realized that he couldn’t do everything with DHARMA and without Ben. To achieve this, he made sure Ben “wound up” inspecting the Tempest, where he would come begin plotting to kill DHARMA and join the others.
“if MIB, How did he trick the others to follow him? When did they start following him?” – All he needed was Ben. By tricking Ben, he got Ben to trick the Others.
“Where is Jacob at the time?” – Jacob was off-island Touching candidates.
“Did he bring DHARMA to the island?” – Jacob brought DHARMA to the Island in hopes of using them to permanently secure Flocke, but instead, Flocke tricked them into turning the FDW.

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I’ve been hearing that the next episode is Richard based (i dont do any pre-episode research so i dont know) so if this is true then I’m hoping we learn more about The Black Rock and how it got into the ‘middle’ of the island.

So, incase we do learn it next week, i’m curious as to what all your thoughts and theories are about it? 🙂

And because there have been a lot of questions and theories posted since the season premier, i thought id add a bit of light hearted fun to this site 🙂

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There’s been a lot of talk lately about a “Jacob and Esau” relationship between Jacob and Flocke. Since many of these cite extra-Biblical sources, I decided to look at a strictly Biblical view of Jacob and Esau, and how they relate to LOST.
The first thing to notice about Jacob and Esau is who their father was. Their father was Isaac, the son of Abraham, who was the father of the Israelites. Also notable is who Jacob was. Jacob, later named Israel, was a key character in Jewish history. He was Israel, and he wrestled with God. One of his dreams contained a stairway to Heaven. Jacob fathered the twelve tribes of Israel, as well. Jacob’s name meant “deciever” and “heel-grabber.” However, the Bible later points out that Jacob was a righteous man, such as with the statement “Jacob I loved and Esau I hated.”
Esau was very different from Jacob. He was the firstborn, but was generally less intelligent and good-natured. After all, he sold his birthright for a pot of stew. Later, after Jacob got the blessing of the firstborn, he wanted to kill him (sound familiar?). Jacob escaped, and Esau continued on his life. Later, he met Jacob again and accepted him, although his heart is unknown, considering the intelligent Jacob snuck away. He eventually became the father of the Edomites, who were rejected.
So, what may be of significance from this? Well, this all fuels my elaborate theory. It begins in the distant past, millenia ago. The Island starts out as the Garden of Eden. After the Fall of Man, it is cut off from people. Later, during the Flood, it detaches from the mainland and becomes the Island. Since it was no longer accessible, it no longer needed to be guarded by an angel, so the Island is left on its own. Much later, seemingly by chance, early seafaring men find the Island. Once there, they plunder its food and destroy the Tree of Life (the roots of which release their moisture into the healing spring). This upsets the perfection of the Garden of Eden, causing the evil side of the scale to come into existence. However, as the men continue to corrupt the Island, it needs protection. To save the scale, an angel of death is sent as a pillar of black smoke. It kills the men, but also decided that the Island needs new measures of protection. In suplication of this need, a man and women, endowed with supernatural traits, are created, and the Island gains its ability to move. This man is Christian (currently named Isaac), and the women, well, her name is irrevelant, but we’ll call her Rebekah.
Isaac and Rebekah live on the Island for a very long time, protecting it with Isaac’s powers. Specifically, he can heal and prod conscience (to increase good) and become the Smoke Monster or take a dead form (to decrease evil). Over time, he decides that all natural man is evil and corrupts. Finally, his extremely long life-span begins to approach its end. At this time he has two sons, Jacob and Flocke (Esau for these purposes).
Jacob and Esau are to be Isaac’s successors. Esau was born first, and was entitled to the powers of his choosing, as well as the title of protector of the Island. Jacob would live as his assistant, and together they would use their powers to protect the Island. However, this balance was upset. Jacob and his mother (Rebekah) eventually realized that the balance was split by the birth of twins, making Jacob good and Esau evil (although they were both somewhat manipulative).
In order to protect the Island, they plotted to make Jacob the protector. To start, Jacob manipulated Esau into trading his birthright (the first choice of powers) for a bowl of stew. This was something, but they ultimately needed to prevent Esau from being in charge. To do this, Rebekah disguised Jacob as Esau and sent him to get the blessing of the firstborn (the title as protector of the Island). This works, and Jacob picks the powers of healing and righteous thought, and becomes the main protector.
(Bear in mind, as in the Bible, that Jacob was Rebekah’s favorite, and Esau was Isaac’s.) So, after Jacob tricks his father, Esau and Isaac become furious. Because they exist to protect the Island, neither can kill Jacob. Esau begs for some blessing, and Isaac promises to help him overthrow Jacob. The only powers left are transformation to the Smoke Monster and form-taking, which are both given to Esau. Soon afterwards, Isaac dies of old age. Esau, fearing the promise is impossible, tries to kill himself, but finds it impossible. His new goal: kill Jacob and leave the Island behind him.
By this time, we have reached the era of the Black Rock. Having heard their father’s stories and seen some incidents of his own, Esau believes that all men corrupt. Jacob, somewhat influenced by his softer mother, has hope for a good humanity. Thus Jacob decides to bring the Black Rock to the Island using his thought powers. This leads to the beach scene we saw. After the arrival of the Black Rock, Esau is injured. His body is broken, causing him to require other forms for existance. Using his powers, he takes the form of one of the sailors. Eventually, this form dies, and he continues as Smokie.
Fast-forward to Christian. Isaac has possessed Christian’s father, and reincarnated himself as Christian. From there, he made sure to die in Sydney, so that he would be taken back on Oceanic 815. On crashing, he began his plan. He quickly met with Esau, and began manipulating, eventually allowing Locke to be taken over by Esau. With this, he began working to kill Jacob. He helped Esau manipulate Ben, and eventually Jacob is killed. Unbeknownst to either of them, Jacob’s had a protection plan in place for a long time, all since Isaac’s death. Upon finding the Oceanic survivors in 1977, he realized it was time. In 2007, his ghost begins working to keep someone on the Island to protect it and stop Esau from, well, being evil. Since Jack is Christian’s son, he is in the line of the protectors, and stands to take Jacob’s place.
So, what will happen next? No clue. But I figure this is an awesome enough theory to consider.

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We’ve found many questions when it comes to the detonation of Jughead and its connection with the 2007 jump as well as the alternate timeline. Luckily, I’ve done some pseudo-scientific pondering and have come up with some interesting ideas.
It starts in 2004, when the Oceanic 6 leave the Island and the wheel is pushed, knocking the Island off its time axis. It seems here that the wheel itself is in its own timestream, for it the Losties flashed to a time where the wheel was stable, they would’ve stopped flashing. Anyway, in the 70’s, when the flashes stopped, we’ll say that this left a link between the time periods due to the constancy of time in the wheel chamber. So, in 1977, they detonate Jughead. This is the critical moment. Anyone who knows the history of black holes and wormholes knows the theory that such things link to parallel worlds, or possible create them. Either a wormhole or black hole can form from the intense concentration of energy in one point. This is Jughead’s run-in with the electromagnetic pocket. At the moment of the explosion, an amazing thing happens. The energy of the explosion and the energy of the electromagnetic pocket combine to form a singularity, which creates a second timeline. This singularity actually pulls all of the Jughead energy with it into the alternate timeline, crashing the Island and killing Jacob and Not-Locke.
At this point, things change in the alternate timeline. Jacob does not touch anyone, and the energy (inspired by , great idea) actually causes young Jack’s appendix to contract appendicitis, causing him to have it removed. This affects his future memory (the young age, Island boom, and painkillers), causing him to forget for years.
Back in the original timeline, the Incident still occurs. However, the violent spacetime event under the Island twists the wheel’s time connection and sends the Losties back to 2007. Due to the nature of time travel, they should’ve also been sitting by the hatch for 30 years in between, but in the LOST universe, time travel happens in jumps, not smooth (albeit contorted and shrunken) temporal movements.
Back to 2004, alternate timeline. Jack and Rose are talking on the plane. The temporal link in the original universe at the time of the Jughead detonation left a scar here, causing Jack’s melded memory and the rougher-than-expected turbulence. Nothing stange here.
Now for the future. Imagine the timeline being like a road, with a curve off the side that eventually folds back. This will happen in 2007. The link between the timelines eventually pulls Jack, Kate, Hugo, Sayid, and Sun in the alternate timeline to the Ajira 319 flight. At the time it crashes in the original timeline, they hit the original timeline take its place, to later land in Guam. There they are greeted by Charles Widmore, who takes them aboard his submarine to the Island.
This theory is amatuerish, I admit, but I like it. It seems to make sense with what we’ve already seen. I have no clue if this will be right, but it’s interesting to think about.

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Stab Like a Man

I swear to God, I uncontrollably spit out an audible snicker every time they show repeats of Ben stabbing Jacob in the chest. I’ve never seen such girlish stabbing in a full grown male. There’s little wonder Ben’s dad never wanted to have a catch with Lil’ Ben. Judging from his lack of stabbing prowess, I’m betting Ben’s dad spent a lot of time chasing down errant throws from 15 feet apart. Sack up Ben and learned to stab like a man.
And how about the way Ben runs? The beautiful Ola Ray ran through a spooky zombie/werewolf infested forest with more testosterone than Ben’s sprinting displays.
I do have to hand it to Dr. Linus in the sarcasm department though. “I’m fine, thank you” is just another one of Ben’s beautifully underplayed snarky comments.
Boy do I love it when I’m right about this show, and while I still expect a few of you more quarrelsome contrarians to dig your heels in and say this episode doesn’t prove anything, to you I say, Pshaw. I was right. Ben’s a good guy, who did what he did for what he believed was a good cause. If this episode showed us anything, and it actually showed us plenty, it showed us at that deep down, when push comes to shove, Benjamin Linus is a good guy.

Showing Off My Nerdishness

Of course, “good” is a relative term, and while I don’t feel comfortable in placing Ben in the “lawful good” category, or even the “neutral good” class, if my brief affair with Dungeons and Dragons in my high school days is clear, Ben has what it takes to be considered “chaotic good.” And in my book, that’s still good.
Ya know what else was good? Watching Ben teach class about the Little Tyrant himself, Napoleon Bonaparte. Man, they’re just spelling some of this stuff out for us now, but the parallels between le petit caporal and Island Ben are fun to explore.
Being exiled to the island of Elba was not Napoleon’s worst fate, lectures Dr. Linus, but rather it was his loss of power. Both Bens have always craved power, and both Ben’s are capable of making some regrettable decisions if granted such power. What we have to remember is both Ben’s do what they do, and did what they did because they believed their actions were for the greater good – so if the means must be justified at the end, Ben is willing to do what he must if he trusts his cause is just.

Let’s Hear it for Dicky Schlubb

If that means committing mass genocide and murdering his father in cold blood – believing a higher power (Jacob) was commanding him to do so, or if it means giving that dicky schlub Arzt his parking spot after he passes up his chance as principal, Ben will ultimately always do the right thing. (Or at least do what he believes is the right thing, and after all, that’s religion there in a nutshell.)
By the way, Dicky Schlubb is a great name for a hacky Borsht Belt character in a terrible short story. I’m calling dibs that name right now, so no one steal it from me. I don’t want to see the name Dicky Schlubb in anyone’s terrible short story unless it’s mine.

A Ben Linus Complex, a Complex Ben Linus

I’m also curious what the writers meant by this line when speaking of Napoleon:
“Sure they allowed him to keep the title of emperor without power, but it was meaningless. He might as well have been dead.”
Is SLU Ben hinting that Current Island Timeline Ben is dead (is that what we’re calling the current island timeline??? I forget what I’ve called that. Anyone remember?) He was brought to the temple as a boy — shot, bleeding and dying. Kate was warned his innocence will be lost and the action was irreversible. Was Ben brought back to life in the healing pools of the once pure temple’s Lazarus Pit? If so, what is the innocence he lost?
We were also treated to the rules that govern Miles’ conversations with the dead. His corpse chats are restricted to how the deceased died, the last thoughts before they “checked out” and he really does need to be near the bodies of the departed.
At Illana’s behest, Miles uses his now defined powers to narc out Ben. I loved that Miles used Ben’s own words against him. “…saw you standing over his dead body holding a bloody dagger, so yeah, I’m pretty sure.” And for the 6th week in a row, we witness Ben unloading another ten pounds or so of fecal matter into his boxer shorts. (I can’t see Ben as a brief’s kind of guy.)
Staring at his own reflection in the dark glass of the microwave oven in a humble flat shared by Ben and his elderly father we see a much different familial relationship between the two. While Dharma Ben murdered his own father with a poisonous gas in The Purge, school teacher Ben uses a life-giving form of gas to preserve his father’s life.
Poor Old Man Linus is not doing well physically, but at least we know, like the happy bond Locke shares with his father in the Safe Landing Universe (hinted at in “The Substitute” episode a few weeks ago) Ben and his dad have a loving rapport.
Linus the elder explains to us he has always regretted his decision to leave the island. “What could have been?” he muses, not realizing the horrifying truth of his vision of island-dwelling years. Still we are left to wonder the hows and whys of their departure from the island.

There Must be Meaning in This Phrase:

Cheese carrots? There’s no way Hurley would dream about anything carrot related if it wasn’t immediately followed by the word “cake.” I’m also surprised to find no mention of bacon in Hurley’s dreams. Pork products play a major role in all of my nocturnal reverie.
With only eleven episodes to go before this show goes off the air, they don’t have time to play around with too much misdirection anymore. I’m calling it right now. Richard was a captive aboard the Black Rock a few hundred years ago. Yeah, I kind of called it a while ago, but I never gave it the Joe Oesterle 100% Guarantee* before this week. They didn’t come right out and say it, and as Richard slyly hinted to Jack – he eventually will, but just not this episode. That said, Richard a.k.a. Ricardus is a former albeit reluctant passenger of the Black Rock.

*The 100% Joe Oesterle Guarantee in no way implies an actual guarantee of anything other than Joe Oesterle’s right to brag loudly and often if he is proven correct about the much-shared belief that Richard Alpert arrived on the island by way of the Black Rock ship.

A Man of Faith

Mr. Alpert is hoping either Hurley or Jack will help him end his life. Richard has finally lost his previously undying belief in Jacob, but all it took was that bastion of belief himself, Jack Shephard, to bring Richard back into the fold.
Look at Jack nowadays huh? A suicide junkie turned into a man of faith. Watching Jack light that dynamite fuse and close his eyes reminded me of his many booze-fueled frequent flyer trips to another plane crash, except this time, Jack understands he’s here for a reason. It was proven to him in the magic mirror. Jacob watched him for years and decided Jack has a role to play, and finally, Jack is ready to play. My mirror only shows me a guy who needs to start back on his cardio program.

My Anaconda Don’t Want None Unless You Got Buns Hun.

Back on the beach, Ben finds Sawyer’s “Booty Babes” stash as well as the autobiography of another island-loving Benjamin. The island was Britain and the other Ben’s last name was Disraeli. After I write this article, I will spent some time Googling one of those two subjects. Naked girls or European statesmen? I’ll let you guys figure out which one.

Those Were The Good Old Days

Ben admits to Lapidus he is nostalgic for his old island days, and is genuinely surprised to find out Lapidus was supposed to fly 815 that fateful day. This leads Lapidus, like Ben’s father, to wonder about what could have been. Ben’s shock quickly turns into an acceptance of inevitability and he is seeing things a bit more clearly now, as he reminds Lapidus the island got him anyway.
This naturally blows Frank Lapidus away, and on a slight tangent I’d like to say I’m pretty sure the actor Jeff Fahey is never not stoned. No one plays “blown away” that well without literally blowing a bone before the take. Seriously, if you have TiVo, freeze frame any second Lapidus is onscreen. To me, it looks like he does nothing but bake himself on the Paca Lolo in his trailer until 5 minutes before call time.

A Promise is a Promise

Meanwhile SLU Ben is going above and beyond for the cause. He has a deep admiration for his student, Alex Rousseau. She is, he tells her, one of the brightest young minds he has ever encountered, and he doesn’t fear for her future at all.
Ben promises the overachieving Alex a tutorial lesson in the library before school, and while the two are going over trade agreements of the East Indies, Alex lets it slip that the thorn in Ben’s professional side has been having a sexual dalliance with the school nurse. Of course this secret is only given with the proviso Ben keeps the information to himself.
Ben assures his adolescent charge that “a promise is a promise” and to his credit, he eventually sticks to the spirit of the guarantee, if not the letter.
Sounds like Miles was channeling Hulk Hogan when he mentioned the “Jabrones” buried with 8.5 million in diamonds. Miles may be less good than Ben when all is said and done – what with all his greed. I’m worried Miles may be a casualty before this cast of castaways take their final curtain call.
Michael Emerson once again displayed remarkable acting ability by conveying more with his huge bulging eyeballs than most actors can with a page of dialogue. (To be fair, Emerson’s eyes are enormous, so he does have a much bigger, spookier ocular palette to work with than other normally-pupiled thespians.) The look of “what have I done” when Miles informed him of Jacob’s last thought was precious. Ben was touched that Jacob thought so highly of him, and disgusted at himself for not staying strong to the end. Great acting there, Ol’ Bug Eyes.

Napoleon and the Dynamite Victim

Unlike the caring, devoted Dr. Linus, Dr. Arzt enjoys flunking kids. Regardless the universe, Arzt is a dick. Now let me be clear. Arzt is not as annoying as Radzinsky. Radzinsky is a douche. Arzt is only a dick. You yourself probably have a few dick friends, but you never have more than one douche friend. Douche friends are too much work, and the friendship never ends well… because the guy is a douche. Arzt is simply a dick.
One thing I’ll say for that dick Arzt, if he lived on the island this show would have only lasted one and a half seasons. Arzt may be a dick, but he asks pertinent questions, and expects replies in the same conversation…. Not 12 episodes later. So it was when Ben told Arzt about Principal Reynold’s school time hanky panky. Dickish Arzt got answers immediately.
By the way, a case can be made that Arzt is also a worse human being than Ben because Arzt only cares about his pension, summer’s off and a parking spot that’s not too shady, but not too hot. Ben sincerely wants to help students make something of their lives, and have the choices and chances he was never given — ostensibly for spending time on that island.

Racing For His Life (Like a Sissy)

Smirking Smlocke and his weird mechanical Coney Island roller coaster SFX C.D. approaches Ben as the good doctor digs his own grave. Smlocke seems genuinely appalled at the news Illana plans to kill the former Others leader, but maybe his “genuinely appalled” face looks a lot like his “yeah, I knew she’d do that” face. Ben is none too pleased at the prospect of an early death either, but he has little recourse — what with his leg shackled and no firearms to ward off his attacker. Whoops… I was wrong on both counts as Smlocke performs a little of his wish granting magic and provides Ben with not only the means necessary to do away with Jacob’s surrogate daughter, Illana. But Smlocke’s also dangling the keys to the kingdom right in front of Ben’s aforementioned buggy eyes. Power, it’s all either Ben seemed to ever want.
Here’s what I don’t like about placing the gun 200 yards away, and spotting Ben a 100 yards in a race with a gun-toting Illana. Ben is a sissy sprinter. I’ve said it before, but it needed to be repeated. The man runs like a chick. And I’d like to take this opportunity to apologize to any chick I’ve offended by comparing Ben’s running style to yours (if you’re a chick who doesn’t run like a chick.) Sorry chicks.

Good Ol’ Ben (I Say That Because He’s Good)

It turns out power was never what either Ben ever really wanted. SLU Ben decides it’s more important to stay true to his values and however tempting, and regardless of the good he might have accomplished, betraying a student, and betraying his beliefs were never up for discussion when push came to shove.
Current Island Timeline Ben ultimately rejected tainted power as well. All this Ben wanted was a chance to be heard, a chance to plead his case. Ben immediately admits he not totally blameless in the carnage caused, but he honestly felt he was doing what was right. He believed in Jacob, and he felt used. Ben accepted blame, and was willing to suffer the consequences. When push came to shove, and Ben isn’t a heartless killing machine. His kills were based on the belief that he was doing the right thing. Many a general on both sides of the battlefield has ordered the annihilation of humans believing what they did was what was best for God and country.
After his impassioned plea, Ben implores Illana to allow him to leave and rejoin with Smlocke because as he tearfully explains, “he’s the only one who will have me.”
Suddenly, through her own pain, Illana recognizes Ben as a Jacob follower who may have been asked to accept too much of a burden. Ben was a man of faith, and because that faith was so steadfast and so unwavering, he allowed his daughter to be murdered in front of his own eyes. Ben can’t forgive himself, but Illana now can.

So This is How the Other Half Live

As she leads Ben back to the beach camp, Ben starts to feel accepted. As he helps Sun set up camp, he feels, maybe for the first time in his entire life, that he’s finally on the winning side.
Finally Jack, Hurley and the ageless Richard make their way to the beach. Hurley is all hugs and love while Jack greets everyone warmly until he notices Ben off to the side. Jack sidesteps a bit to be sure he sees what he thinks he’s seeing. Ben for his part, no longer feels as accepted as he once did.
As the former enemies stand off against each other once again, a proverbial line in the literal sand between them, but this time, it looks like they’ll be on the same team. Ben told us years ago which team he was on. Now we all know. Ben plays for The Good Guys.
Oh yeah, and then Widmore pulled up in a cheesy submarine. I guess he’s the guy Jacob was expecting.

Until Next Week
So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if you’re trying to find a frame where Jeff Fahey doesn’t look stoned.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings of the fine periodical, “Booty Babes.”) keep your laptop nearby, (You’ll never know when you might need do a little research on the other book in Sawyer’s tent — “The Chosen” ) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.

Joe Oesterle is an award-winning writer and illustrator, but what he often fails to mention is that many of those awards were won on a New Jersey boardwalk. Check out his blogsite for animations, stories, illustrations, photography and free money.


http://joeartistwriter.wordpress.com/

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Sayid Jarrah — Man of Action, Man of Love

I certainly can’t fault this week’s episode for lack of action. Both incarnations of Sayid were in top mother-fucking, ass-kicking form Tuesday night. And while we do love to watch Sayid kick some mother-fucking ass, this show has never been about putting action above all else; something was missing. Where were the pop culture/religious/mythological/literary/philosophical references? This episode showed some interesting character arcs, but seemed to focus more on the kicking and the punching and the hurting.

As soon as the hour passed, I realized the similarities between kung fu, and kung pao. After an hour of either, you’re still left hungry.

This is not to say there weren’t clues in this episode. The yellow roses were a big clue Nadia was not Sayid’s, and an even bigger clue that even in “Safe Landing Universe,” Sayid’s life was not going to be a bed of roses, regardless what color the petals are.

Suffice it to say Sayid knows it’s nothing but red roses for the object of your love – unless you object to showing such affection to your brother’s wife. The guy may break spines, but he doesn’t break the guy code.

Boomeranging

And what did Sayid bring back from his little Aussie sojourn? Boomerangs. You know, those things that keep coming back to you — like a circle. The symbolism here works a couple ways. One — The Oceanic Gang, like a boomerang, sooner or later had to return to the island, and two — regardless of the universe, Sayid always seems destined to return to his violent ways.

I have a question about the photo of Nadia that Sayid always carries around. Who the hell took this picture, and why is this the photo she decided to give him as a remembrance of herself? I’m not even saying this is a clue, but if a girl gives a picture to a guy she likes, she’s usually at least smiling at the camera. In my experience chicks rarely say goodbye with a surveillance shot with a zoom lens from 40 yards away. Not sure if this has ever been discussed, but I’m open to answers.

Fists of Fury

Now let’s get back to the ass-kicking. Man did Sayid screw with Dogen’s feng shui or what? After Dogen took out Jack with such ease I knew the temple’s protector would be a match for the former Iraqi soldier. Dogen sensed this too, which is why he could not contain his anger after Sayid declared he was a “good man,” and started off the donnybrook with a bit of a sucker punch. That was some great Bruce Lee shit going down there too. If it weren’t for that baseball dropping…

We’re Talkin’ Baseball

Which brings us to the effective imagery in this episode and the constantly reoccurring theme of Father and Son. A simple well-worn baseball has always been able to conjure up childhood emotions in most every fully grown American man. Whether you remember your dad tossing you the old horsehide, or you resent your old man for never having the time to play catch with you, that silly little stitched up spheroid can bring tears to the eyes of nearly every adult male.

Baseball plays a big role in LOST’s central characters. We all recall Christian Shephard’s line about the Red Sox winning the Series. Sawyer, recounted that story to Jack. Kate and her childhood boyfriend Tommy stuck a baseball hat in their time capsule. One of the objects Richard placed before a young John Locke is a baseball mitt, and as recently as last week, Jack hooks up cable so his son David can watch the BoSox, but as evident in the photo on his mirror, Jack’s kid is a Dodger’s fan.

Big Brother is Watching, and Pleading

Looks like Omar needs help from his little brother Sayid once again. You kill a chicken as a good deed 30 years ago, and the guy never stops asking for favors. Much to the younger Jarrah’s dismay, big brother is not only a man who can’t fight his own battles. He’s also not afraid to call Sayid out on being at the root of his soul, a killer. “I know what kind of man you are, Sayid,” the elder Jarrah chides.

There are times Sayid kids himself into believing he’s done with that lifestyle, but like Michael in the Godfather III, it keeps pulling him back in.

Evil Incarnate

Dogen may realize Sayid’s inner scale tips toward the black, but that doesn’t prevent him from hatching a plan that in his mind will either have Sayid kill Smlocke or get Sayid killed. Either outcome, and Dogen is content.

Sadly, Dogen didn’t count on being outsmarted by his opponent, but in Dogen’s defense, this particular challenger is “evil incarnate,” and if we take all the biblical allusions of the past six years into account, it may not be too early to call Smlocke the devil himself.

Clearly there’s a reason we haven’t heard the Man in Black’s name uttered by anyone, including his good buddy, Claire. My guess is once his name is revealed; we’ll know (if we don’t already) the good guys from the bad guys.

So Dogen sets Sayid out on a can’t miss mission. He either kills the bad guy (before he utters a sound) or he feels the unholy wrath of the bad guy, and in Dogen’s mind at least, Sayid is out of the picture. Dogen never planned on Option 3. In fairness, if this adversary is the devil, he’s had a few more centuries of trickery than our merely mortal guardian of the sanctuary.

Smlocke literally shames Sayid out of buying into Dogen’s version of the truth. The bald-headed badass doesn’t react to a sword in the chest with any malice whatsoever. He’s more concerned with the mindset of a man who would commit such an act, based purely on the fact that the guy who beat and tortured him hinted it was his final shot at redemption. Sayid wanted to listen to his better angels, but instead, Wrong-Side Sayid boomeranged back to a fallen angel.

Sayid initially felt, much like Sawyer a few weeks past, that he might be getting played by Smlocke here. The difference is Sayid’s a killer, not a conman. He may have suspected the con, but with enough poise and some stilted facts, a good confidence man can bamboozle a natural born killer into thinking he needs to join his team.

I still hold out hope however that Sawyer is playing the long con.

Breaking a Few Eggs

Back on SLU, Sayid is also being taken for a ride. This time though it’s by a couple of bad men who have vaguely, yet intentionally hinted at harming his nephew and niece if he refuses to comply. Sure if you leave Uncle Sayid alone with the kids, he’ll destroy (and try to mend) your favorite vase, but leave him alone with the men who put his brother in Jack’s hospital, and just like an Aborigine’s curved piece of wood, mother-fucking, ass-kicking Sayid shows back up.

Did anyone call Keamy making a guest appearance? I certainly didn’t. And I really tried to come up with some sort of meaning to SLU Keamy’s assertion that he’s some sort of egg wizard. “I make good eggs,” is exactly the kind of line that means so much more than it seems, yet for the life of me I can’t determine if this is a riddle, much less unravel it. Is this an Easter egg, or to paraphrase the great neurologist, is an egg sometimes just an egg? Regardless, Sayid didn’t mind cracking a few to bad his “you messed with the wrong man” omelet.

Speaking of not seeing that one coming, who saw the next one coming? Jin tied up in the freezer. We know Jin was delivering a watch from Sun father’s Mr. Paik. We also know that Martin Keamy worked for one Charles Widmore in the original timeline. Can we assume that Mr. Paik and Mr. Widmore have been on the same side all along, and perhaps Paik set his son-in-law up by turning him on a suicide mission, into the waiting arms of Widmore’s egg-loving goons?

Going for a Dip

And so Sayid returns (like a boomerang) to Dogen to hand him back his sword, and also ask him why Dogen didn’t kill Sayid when he had the opportunity. My guess is even though Sayid is “infected,” and even though that infection is quickly taking over his immune system, Dogen could not have killed Sayid because technically he’s still a candidate.

Dogen either intentionally dodges Sayid’s inquiry, or he’s too wrapped up in the guilt of his drunken behavior behind the wheel which almost, if not for the grace, and hard bargaining of Jacob, would have cost Dogen’s son his life.

Making the mistake that unlike Jack, Dogen can’t let his guard down against this 815er, Sayid takes a play from Dogen’s own tricky playbook and strikes first — leaving Dogen, and later the helpless Lennon literally dead in the water. Now how Dogen’s death invalidates the ash boundary that has up until this time kept Smlocke at bay we don’t yet know, and once again, I’m happy to entertain answers on this subject.

Linus’ Laundry

And if you thought Sawyer had skidmarks on his drawers a couple of episodes back, what do you think Ben Linus’ tighty whities look like these days? That guy has been doing little more than shitting his pants every time he makes an appearance.

Jacob disappeared in the flames- shit. Locke turns into a homicidal plume of smoke — shit. He sees Locke’s corpse as he’s following Smlocke — shit. And now Ben just displaced another 3 to five pounds of human waste from his bowels to his underpants when Sayid gave him that scary smile. Seriously, could someone please give Ben a new pair of undies? Hell even Sawyer’s used pair would be an improvement.

Suddenly I Don’t Hate Kate

Meanwhile Claire may still be hot (or even hotter if you like wild-haired, impetuously murderous crazy chicks) but she is certainly very cold to the notion that Kate raised her baby off the island for three years. She is certain that she’s safe down in her little cubbyhole.

I can’t shake the feeling that even though Kate willingly joined Smlocke’s Soldiers that her heart’s just not in it. (And where was Sawyer during all of this? Hopefully washing his whites in hot water and plenty of bleach.)

Claire isn’t likely going to let Kate join the merry band of murdering misfits, and Smlocke seemed a bit bewildered at Kate’s decision to follow. It’s as if Smlocke figures, what the hell, the girl has a nice rack, I’ll let her tag along for a while. Smlocke may be evil, but he ain’t crazy.

Until Next Week

So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if you’re expecting to make out if there were any human forms in the Smoke Monster… I didn’t catch any.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings of the flower motif in Nadia’s kitchen — though I don’t know if that means anything) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.

And while you’re in the reading mood, check out Joe’s “Way Too Late Movie Review.” This week, it’s “The Highlander,”

http://joeartistwriter.wordpress.com/2010/03/02/joe-reviews-the-highlander-24-years-after-the-fact/

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Mirror Mirror in My Sweet Digs

Hey Jackie boy you love your own handsomeness don’t you? Look at you looking at you. A mirror. Jack’s like a parakeet, obsessed with his refection in the mirror… or is he actually reflecting, while gazing at his reflection in the mirror. Hmmm… let’s reflect on that.

I love when they have mirrors on this show. Mirrors can be so symbolic, (One looking into one’s own soul) so mythological, (Medusa) so fantastical, (Alice in Wonderland.) Plus I called the whole mirror thing way back when.

In the mirror at Safe Landing Universe Jack’s swanky L.A. pad, Jack is perplexed at the appendix scar he has been carrying around with him for apparently decades. You’d think a doctor would recall having an appendectomy at 8 years old, especially if his father, the overbearing perfectionist, made such a fuss over wanting to operate on him. It’s still only the beginning for SLU Jack but he’s starting to pick up on the signs that this isn’t the life he’s supposed to lead. Or rather this isn’t the only life he’s supposed to lead.

More Daddy Issues for Jack

Oh yeah, and in this life, Jack has a 12 year old kid. To borrow a phrase from Liz Lemon, “What the What?!?” That’s a hell of surprise. Locke’s real dad apparently didn’t throw him from a high rise and Jack has a kid. And his name is David… AND he thinks Jack’s a big tool.

So who do you think this kid’s mother is? Is it his first wife Sarah? Is it Juliet? (It can’t be, but I’ll throw it in there.) Is it Ana Lucia? Nah the kid isn’t that annoying. Is it someone we’ve seen before? Yeah probably. And it’s probably Sarah.

Sayid Is Terminal

It looks like Sayid is indeed “becoming infected.” Jack finally trusts Dogen now for some reason. (He should have trusted him already, but I’ve made my feelings known about that) Jack is now looking at Sayid like a terminally ill patient. The “infection” still hasn’t claimed Sayid, so there’s still enough of the real Sayid in there that Jack feels a responsibility to shoot straight with him, but to Jack, Sayid is either already as good as dead, or worse for the “good guys,” a potential opponent down the road.

We Now Know Who We’re Rooting For… Or Do We?

I say “good guys,” because I believe these writers have finally given us enough clues to buy into the Jacob really is a good guy angle. There can’t be any more debate. It really was was pretty obvious up until now, but still a little too obvious to be obviously obvious. Tonight’s episode however let me know it’s so obvious that Jacob is a good guy, and Sayid is infected with bad guy stuff. Unless that’s just what they want us to think.

Another confirmation tonight – this time near the glyphs (they have to mean something, but I’m not an archeologist, so if someone knows, feel free to write in) behind the Lazarus Pit — Hurley actually does talk to dead people. Pretty cool when even the great Dogen feels humbled before Hurley the Seer. There’s Hurley talking to Dogen with Jacob standing over his shoulder telling him the right things to say. It was like watching an old episode of The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. It makes me yearn for more Charles Nelson Reilly on television. R.I.P. Chuck. (On a side note, I love this video.)

http://sendables.jibjab.com/originals/weird_al_charles_nelson_reilly

Pushing Buttons

Wow does Jacob know Jack’s buttons. He almost smiled when Hurley asked him to help him with convincing Jack. Did you see Jack’s face when Hurley mentioned to Jack that Jacob told him, the opposite of what his dad grew up telling him?

“You have it in you.” I couldn’t help but think that was the mantra that Jack had in his head when he realized he wanted to be a father. He was going to prove to his own father that Jack had it in him to be a supportive father.

When Jack heard Jacob’s message through Hurley, Jack felt angry, violated, and vulnerable. Jacob just intentionally drilled on Jack’s last raw nerve and now Jack is looking like he wants to punch Jacob in the face.

As a matter of fact, Jack has that look on his face at least every other episode, which boils down to approximately Jack wanting to punch every tenth person he encounters. How hair trigger is this guy that he wants to punch one out of every ten people he encounters? Hell, I’m a walking ball of repressed grey haired ball of Irish Catholic fury most of the time and I only want to punch about one out of every twenty people I interact with.

And while I’m still on Jack, I loved the reference to Kitty and Snowdrop — Alice’s two cats who transformed into the Red and White queens in Wonderland. Opposite forces, or mirror images of each other.

Who is He?

So who does Jacob now want brought to the island? Last year, after Ben stabbed him he said “they” were coming, but now Jacob only seems to be concerned with a single individual. Who is it? Maybe Desmond? Maybe Des and Penny, maybe Des and Penny and Widmore.

Mommy Issues

Jack isn’t the only single parent who has found raising a child to be difficult. Look at his half sister Claire. Her name seemed to partially register with SLU Jack when his mother mentioned her while going over Christian’s will. And by the way, did anyone else think Veronica Hamel had lovely hands for a woman of her age?

I apologize we all had to find out about my newest fetish at this time, but she has a great set of hands for an old lady.

And what about Claire? She’s turned into Rousseau – dynamite sticks and all. And whoa, was that 3-year old beach-worn bassinet creepy as hell or what?

I was half expecting a zombified baby for some reason, but that wouldn’t have made sense. What did make sense, in the saddest most morbid ways of all, is Claire building a substitute baby out of old animal pelts and the skull of what I’m assuming was that old polar bear.

Has Claire been “mothering” that thing for 3 years. Claire’s not only been infected, she is seriously now become one crazy bitch. I know two or three crazy Claire types who frequent this dive bar I hang out at in Westminster California, The Rebel Room. I wouldn’t be surprised if they all didn’t have bear skull babies at home. Seriously Jin, you want to stay away from girls who pretend bear skulls are their infant sons.

Sad note about me is I prefer to hang out in bars with the certifiably insane. I enjoy my time in the company of drunken lunatics. It makes me feel superior.

And I feel this is confirmed as well. Claire is dead. She said as much when she was stitching Jin’s gnarly leg back up. If there’s one thing that will kill you on this island, Crazy Dead Claire warned Jin, it’s infection.

She then proceeded to drive an axe right through Other Justin’s barrel chest. I’m telling you Jin, I know these axe-swingin,’ bear skull mothers from the Rebel Room. They are evil, and they are nuts.

These Are The Good Ol’ Days

La-di-da you’re trekking through the island with Hurley for the bajillionth time in 108 episodes (yes this was installment 108 overall in the series.) and one of your plane crash pals pulls a gun on you and almost shoots you dead.

“Oh Jack, you silly thing, I almost but a bullet in your head. Ha ha ha.”

“I know. That’s so funny. It’s just like the time I almost I almost put a bullet in your head. Remember? Boy we almost shoot each other a lot of this island. We’re crazy like that.”

None for All, and All for None

Kate confesses to Jack that Jin and Sawyer are on their own, and neither one seems likely to head back to the temple. Jack isn’t all that interested in them, but tries to persuade Kate to come with them. Kate isn’t going along.

“We had some fun jungle adventures in the past Jack. Like remember that time I almost shot you? Good times. But I’m gonna do my own thing now.”

And then Kate actually says to Jack, “I hope you find what you’re looking for.” That one line contains a whole lot of meaning. It’s as if Kate now realizes it’s time to focus on her quest, and not let anything interfere with that mission. She knows Jack has his own demons to vanquish, and they can’t rely on each other for this, and maybe any other mission in the future.

Matter of fact, it looks like they’re all ready to quit the band and do solo albums. Looks like Jack’s passionate speech about staying together or dying alone may have been a bad message. They all need to focus in on what their speicific purpose in life is. They can’t get swept up in one another’s problems… no more kissing you or kissing him until we do what we have to do and maybe not even then.

Robin Hood and Little John Walkin’ Through the Forest. Golly What a Day.

It was nice to hear Hurley acknowledge the great jungle adventures of the first couple seasons. Those were exciting times. Being tied up with bags over your head, people shooting at you, smoke monsters, running people over in your hippie van. Damn good times. As if all those reasons weren’t good enough, Hurley asks Jack why he voluntarily came back to the island, but Jack, still new at this man of faith thing makes Hurley tells his story first.

Hurley offers the short and simple truth. Jacob and he shared a cab and Jacob asked him to go back. Hurley didn’t fight Jacob on the issue. He agreed with very little resistance. Perhaps Hurley is more receptive to the good than Jack.

Jacob can just ask Hurley to put his faith in him and Hurley won’t question what Jacob requires, because Hurley is a man of faith. Hurley doesn’t question, he’s receptive.

This is no different than what most major religions require of their faithful. It’s a pretty standard boilerplate “If you open yourself to God’s love, you will know the kingdom of heaven” type of thing.

Hurley is the fertile soil and the word of the Lord grows there with little trouble. Jack is the rocky terrain. His garden requires more tending.

All Along The Watchtower

So our intrepid wanderers encounter a lighthouse they have curiously never seen before. Jack wonders aloud to Hurley why they’d never seen this lighthouse in all their previous journeys, to which Hurley responds with all the wisdom that feels at home in both the Old Testament and that old 70’s show, Kung Fu. They haven’t noticed it before because, “we never looked for it before.”

Kickin’ It In, Old School.

As they reach the door, our heroes realize Jacob didn’t provide Hurley with a key, so Jack commences to do what Jack loves to do. Jack kicked the door down. Jack’s a whiz at kicking doors down. Give Jack an old locked door and he’ll kick it down faster than anyone. (Unless Sayid’s standing next to him, then they seem to take turns.) Dude’s almost looking for shut doors just so he can kick some down.

Of course we’re talking about physical doors here. Jack loves to kick down a physical door, but in 6 seasons of this show Jack couldn’t kick a metaphorical door down if it were metaphorically made of Styrofoam. Metaphorical doors kick Jack in. Up until this episode.

We’ve just seen Jack look into his own reflection and realize what he must do. Both metaphorically and in every day terms. Jack needs to start kicking in doors… and smashing a few mirrors while he’s at it for good measure.

Another Kind of Candidate

Meanwhile back in the SLU, we find out that Jack’s son took off for a piano try-out at a local conservatory. Seems David is a “candidate.” Jack raced there to see him perform his piece, and dear ol’ dad could barely contain his joy. Another proud papa was SLU Dogen, who probably isn’t a samurai at all on this universe. He looked a little like a suit salesman I knew when I worked at JC Penney’s in my college days. You guys don’t know this guy, but Dogen looked just like him. Good guy… he always gave me a deal on socks and underwear.

Ok, that was slightly off tangent. Dogen couldn’t help but share how the he felt the pressure on kids can be unfair. Jack later finds out from David that despite all promises he must have made to himself as he was growing up and planning on how he would be a good father, Jack unintentionally repeated the sins of Christian.

Sweating the Details

At the top of the lighthouse, Hurley is literally sweating the details — right off his chubby forearm. Jack is spinning the Wheel of Misfortune and every now and then he gets a glimpse of something behind him, and it isn’t the ocean. At one tiny interval there’s what looks to be Sun’s father’s estate. Another rotation and we see the steeple of the Ford family church. Jack doesn’t give a shit about 108. He needs to check out #23. That’s the number Jack’s name coordinates with on the wheel.

It’s the house Jack grew up in, and Hurley sees it too. This is too much for Jack He hasn’t wanted to punch someone for 40 minutes. It’s about to want to punch. He can’t punch Hurley. Hurley’s just the messenger. But he can smash the mirrors. He can break Jacob’s mirrors the way Jack feels Jacob broke him. Which as it turns out was all part of Jacob’s plan to begin with. Man that guy is good at pushing the right buttons.

Jacob is Good Because Claire is Evil.. and Dead. (At Least Metaphorically Dead)

Meanwhile back at Camp Crazy Corpse Claire, Jin has just figured out how Claire is no longer one of the good guys, and he hatches a plan to lure Claire back to the Temple. A temple that Claire somehow escaped before – a temple in which Claire was subjected to many of the same tests as Sayid just went thorugh.

And if we needed any further proof that Smlocke/MIB was evil, Crazy Corpse Claire corrected Jin when he wrongly assumed the guy walking into camp was John Locke. “That’s not John,” she said with a roll of her eyes, “this is my friend.”

ALSO, Why I Think You Can’t Call Ben a Villain.

A few of us were having a spirited discussion on whether Ben is good or evil. I believe this type of argument is what makes this show great, because even if the writers came out tomorrow and told us if he’s good or evil, the debate could still continue with each side making valid points.

I’m not sure of the death tally, but I Sawyer has more kills than just Anthony Cooper and the innocent food vendor guy. Sawyer killed Mr. Friendly I bet Mr. Friendly’s family would believe the man who killed Mr. Friendly was a bad man.

And that’s the point this show makes. Good and Evil is all about your particular point of view. Of course we think of Adolf Hitler as an evil man, and we should, but what these guys have done is taken someone we could interpret as Hitler and say look at this guy Ben, he had lofty motives for his genocide.

Please don’t anyone write me and say I’m saying Hitler had lofty motives… I will assume I’m speaking to a hip, smart crowd or you wouldn’t be here. But it is interesting how a writer, and an actor can skew perception to make a Hitler-like character seem either sympathetic, or maybe even innocent because he was answering to a higher calling.

Americans in 1945 (at least the overwhelming majority) didn’t think Harry Truman was evil when he leveled Hiroshima killing and maiming up to 200,000 Japanese, (many civilians and many of them women and children) and destroying the lives of countless more not to mention crippling their economy for decades. We here in the USA think of Harry as a good guy. My guess is there’s more than a few Japanese who don’t hold him in quite that same regard.

Perhaps Ben is Truman, and not Hitler.

Perception, ladies and gentlemen…. perception.

Until Next Week

So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if you’re expecting to make sense out of glyphs you have no idea how to interpret.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings, purposes immediately after watching the show the first time.) keep your laptop nearby, (You’ll never know when you might need check out long forgotten characters from a Lewis Carroll story) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.

If you liked this article, check out Joe Oesterle’s review of the 1974 classic, “Towering Inferno.” It may be 36 years too late, but it takes that long to write a review this good.

http://joeartistwriter.wordpress.com/2010/02/14/towering-inferno-movie-review/

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Written 16th February

The numbers are the males…I know MIB/Esau/Flocke said he didn’t know if it was Sun or Jin, but it’s Jin.

4-Locke 8-Reyes 15-Ford 16-Jarrah 23-Shephard 42-Kwon

Jacob did in fact touch Kate and Sun, but “Austen” isn’t up there.  What is going on?!

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I know some of you have not been too terribly impressed with how this season has been proceeding, but wow was this week’s a good one or what? Then again, The Substitute was a Locke-centric show, with Sawyer supporting throughout, how can you miss?

“The Substitute cleverly doubles as both Locke’s profession, and the evil being now using Locke’s appearance.

One of the Last Temptations of Locke

I think I may have figured out what we were watching here. You know what I think we were watching here? The Last Temptation of Christ, that’s what I think we were watching here.

The Safe Landing Universe, (SLU) is the life Jesus would have lived if he, the man, refused to accept his place in history and avoided his fate at the crucifixion. In the movie (and in the novel for you smart book types) we are shown the life that Jesus would have lead if he chose not to turn his back on God’s word.

According to novelist, Nikos Kazantzakis, if Jesus were never nailed to the cross, he would have married Mary. The couple would have churned out a few tiny Christs, Mary would die, Jesus would be sad, but he’s get over it and marry a couple more Mary’s, who would pop out a few more Christs for him. Ultimately however, Kazantzakis’ Jesus knows his life was meant for some greater purpose.

Sure he was happy, but he was supposed to die for our sins. (Echoing Charlie’s sentiment, “I was supposed to die”)

If Locke can give up the love of a woman he loves dearly, and a job in which he’s finally fulfilled, for the betterment of others, that’s pretty damn Christ like.

Standing by a nearby tree, Smlocke (Smoke Monster Locke) promises Alpert, a probable island dweller for hundreds if not thousands of years, he will grant him knowledge. (Sounds a little Adam and Evey) Richard immediately rejects Smlocke’s devilish offer to join his minions.

Ben Equals Misguided Good Guy

For some time now, I’ve been claiming Ben has always essentially been a good guy, and now I feel vindicated. Ben may have abused his power and Ben may have seemed petty now and then, but I maintain Ben always did what he believed was good for the island, and he did it for (mostly) unselfish reasons. Ben is aware of the good that island is capable of, and he isn’t about to let someone like Charles Widmore compromise or exploit the powers of the island.

Looking back, one of the most interesting things about Ben is he always believes he tells the truth, and I believe he believes he actually does tell the truth based on his actual view of what is and isn’t true. He quickly fesses up to Ilana that Locke became a pillar of smoke, and then Jacob has been killed… he just conveniently omits the simple unpleasant reality that Ben himself did the evil deed. Ben can rationalize the truth in his own mind to present as others as the absolute truth. Ben’s truth is often 90 real truth, and ten percent fashioned truth from Ben’s perception of the absolute truth.

This does not make Ben a bad guy; this makes Ben fallible. Maybe killing John Locke makes Ben a Judas, but I’ve never thought of Judas as a bad man. In the context of the biblical story of Jesus, I have always seen Judas as a man, created by God, to help facilitate the final days of Jesus in human form.

I am curious to know why Ilana is scooping Jacob’s ashes into a little bag though. Does she have some plan to (ashes to ashes) rebuild her leader?

The Forgotten Boy

So Smlocke is recruiting, and Sawyer seems like a likely candidate. As the evil doppelganger strolls through the filthy hallway of a formerly cozy little beach bungalow that was once occupied by Sawyer and his lady love, Juliet, Smlocke is confronted by the punk rawness of the Iggy Pop song, “Search and Destroy.” Check out these freaky prophetic lyrics.

I’m a street walking cheetah

with a heart full of napalm

I’m a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb

I am a world’s forgotten boy

The one who searches and destroys

Honey gotta help me please

Somebody gotta save my soul

Baby detonates for me

Look out honey, ’cause I’m using technology !

No Shit Sherlock

So there’s Sawyer, tossing back Dharma Whiskey straight out of the bottle. Smlocke freely admits to Sawyer that Locke is dead, to which Sawyer barely bats an eye. Sawyer seems to be the only one of the 815ers to completely believe he’s on a magic life-fucking island.

Frighteningly, as this generation’s Han Solo pours Smlocke a tasty alcoholic beverage I spot something so foul, so incorrect, so way beyond what I was expecting from my man Sawyer, I must hit rewind on the TiVo button several times before my mind allows the image to register.

There he is. My favorite orphan/conman/murderer/charming rogue/effective leader/monogamous confidant/disillusioned ant-hero is walking down his filthy hallway, drunk off his ass, and apparently shitting right out of that drunk ass and directly into his own boxer shorts. Damn Sawyer, wipe your ass, man… and stop shitting in your pants while you’re at it… Do both of those things immediately, Sawyer. First stop shitting in your pants, and second, start wiping your asshole. Just doing one of those two isn’t enough. You can’t stop shitting your pants and still refuse to wipe your asshole, and for goodness sakes, you can’t commit to wiping your asshole, if you continue to willfully shit your pants. So just do them both Sawyer. I don’t like seeing you like that, man. Just because you live by yourself doesn’t mean you get to shit in your pants. It’s all kinds of wrong, Sawyer. Seriously man… it’s just wrong. So stop shitting and start wiping, and we’ll be cool again, yo, OK?

The Conman in His Element

Smlocke is surprised Sawyer’s taking it so well. Sawyer sees through his Locke façade which is the exact skill set James Ford needed to size up potential marks. Smlocke, a man who if not an immortal, certainly has been around the block a few thousand times, is surprised and impressed with Sawyer’s talent for reading him. Sawyer follows that up again with something else that takes the immortal off guard. Sawyer informs Smlocke, that he’s aware he isn’t the late John Locke. Sawyer then goes on to explain how this Locke-Alike doesn’t behave like the original Locke. John Locke was scared, Sawyer declares, even when he was pretending he wasn’t. This new guy isn’t scared. Ben never caught on to that.

Now I don’t want to believe that. I want to believe that there were times that island Locke was in total control of his insecurities, but I also want to believe that Sawyer doesn’t shit his drawers when no one is around to watch, but that’s the cold hard truth of it. Locke, at his essence was never as fearless as he seemed to be, but to his credit, he always persevered in the face of tremendous odds. Often failing, always a little scared, but more importantly always trying, always believing. (Like when he Evel Kneiveled his wheelchair at the beginning of this very episode. BTW, I loved how even a wheelchair bound John Locke still loves the feel of water droplets splashing off his shiny dome.

Douche

If I know this audience, and I do, I know everyone was thrilled when Hurley came right out and called Randy a “huge douche.” The word, “douche” certainly has gotten a lot of primetime network airplay in the last couple years. It’s like someone in TV finally realized “douche” wasn’t on Carlin’s Seven Dirty Words routine, which has to make it safe for family viewing. I can’t believe those stupid douches at Standards and Practices left that loophole open.

TV’s Newest, Coolest Rich Guy.

After John Locke realized he just told off the owner of his former company, Hugo Reyes, the big man, offers Locke a sweet gig through his placement agency. Locke almost intentionally scratched the shit out of Hurley’s ride, and Hurley tells him he can hook him up with a job. Hurley’s is now the coolest rich guy ever.

Mr. Phillip Drummond, the wealthy white widower who adopted two inner city black youths, and moved them into a penthouse with his hot, troubled young white daughter Used to be the coolest Rich Guy on TV. Mr. Drummond was pretty cool, but Hurley just bumped him down to second place. Thurston Howell the Third has just been toppled out of the Top Ten.

Here’s Another Theory I’m Working On

So who’s the blonde haired boy with the bloody hands? Is it Aaron, or is it Jacob or, and here’s a mind-blower…. Is it Aaron and Jacob. We could split the difference and call him, “Aarob,” but somehow I feel that will offend.

How about this for a theory? I’ve never seen this one anywhere else, and as always I reserve the right to say, “Heh, I was just kidding around about that theory, I didn’t really mean it.” (Even though I did.)

Ok, here it is. Aaron is so important because for some crazy mathematical reason or something, the stars lined up perfectly and Jacob was able to re-enter this world the only way he can — through Claire’s hey-nanny-nanny. Coincidently it’s the opposite way the MIB entered Locke’s form. Instead of entering through the dead however, Jacob enters only through the miracle of childbirth. He must also enter on an island that is forbidden to allow babies born on it’s soil, so that makes things tougher.

What I love about this theory is it fits in with Ben and his boys, (like Dr. Goodspeed) were indeed good guys. Goodspeed wasn’t trying to kill Claire’s baby, he was trying to make sure it was born.

Now there is plenty of things I haven’t completely worked out in this theory, like how could a 12 year old (I’m guessing) “Aarob,” (I’m sorry if it’s offensive, but that name is catchy) simply show up in front of Smlocke? Just as importantly why did Sawyer see this kid when Richard could not? And really, what are these rules we’re always hearing about? And why does it seem like Smlocke is going to break one of those rule? And why do I get the feeling if Smlocke actually breaks a rule that will be a positive break for the good guys.

And now I’m assuming the good guys are pretty much anyone who isn’t Smlocke. So Ben’s a good guy, Jack’s a good guy, Lennon is a good guy, Richard is a good guy. The only bad guys are “Island-Walking Christian,” (who’s dead) and “Island-Walking Claire.” (Who is also dead — her name was crossed out in the cave — more to come on the cave later.)

So Locke chases after Aarob, and the towhead reminds Smlocke of “the rules.” Again with the rules. What the hell are these rules? Ironically Smlocke shares many of the same flaws Smlocke mocked Locke for possessing. “Don’t tell me what I can’t do,” screams Smlocke, echoing exactly what Locke has said much of his life.

SLU Locke at least eventually realized the walkabout guide was right. He does have limitations. He needs to be realistic, and once he accepts his destiny he will be rewarded.

Justifiable Soiling

Richard warns Sawyer to come with back to the safe grounds of the temple, and he strenuously implores Sawyer to come with him. Richard may have shit his pants, but at least that’s understandable. He’s shitting his pants out of fear for the devil, not because he’s having too much fun sitting on the bedroom floor drinking Dharma hooch straight from the container to bother taking a stroll over to the toilet bowl – not 30 feet away. Unfortunately for Sawyer, Smlocke headed back that way and Richard adhering to the strictest interpretation of the old saying about three being a crowd, quickly ran away.

Granny Does Your Dog Bite?

Sawyer lies to Locke about talking to Richard and Locke lies right back to Sawyer about chasing the kid. (Aarob) Sawyer knows when he’s being conned, but as slick as Sawyer is, he’s not going to grift the devil. Only one mortal ever done that before. His name was Johnny, and the way I heard it tell, he played a pretty mean fiddle.

The Best Laid Schemes

If any further hints were needed to prove this MIB/Smlocke fella is an old-timer, he referred to the 1937 work of John Steinbeck’s Of Mice and Men to be “a little after my time.” So what are Smlocke’s plans? And will they gang aft agley? Why can’t kill Smlocke kill without being attacked or maybe he simply can’t kill James Ford, but he’s definitely not afraid of a bullet to the skull, and that unnerves Sawyer enough to not place a bullet in the back of Smlocke’s skull.

Meanwhile, Back at the Funeral…

As Sun, Frank, and Ilana carry the real Locke’s carcass along the rocky shore we get two answers, in rapid succession. This comes as quite a shock, because we rarely get one answer without encountering two more questions, but this time it was simply, here’s and answer. And here’s another. Enjoy.

They explained why Ilana and company needed to bring Locke’s dead body with them. (To show all the others the face of what we’re up against) AND we also found out the Man in Black was only able to do that trick once, and for some reason still unknown to the audience, he can only do it once. (He’s stuck this way.”)

Not to Be Insensitive, But

On this island, I’d rather bury a Christian than a Jew on this island. Think about it. After digging a six-foot hole under a scorching island sun, a cross is so simple to affix on top. Just break a big stick and tie the two pieces together with some hemp rope. Way easier than constructing a Star of David. I can’t even do the math on how many sticks you’d need for a Star of David, but I know you’d use a lot of hemp rope to tie that Star of David up with. What, you think hemp rope is just laying around on an island? It’s not. You gotta make that stuff.

I’d Like Ben to Kill Me, Just So He Would Say Some Kind Words About Me.

Ben delivers a touching eulogy, and in his grief and despair, he finally spills out the 100% truth. Ben called Locke a believer, a man of faith, a much better man than I will ever be. Then sincerely adds, “And I’m very sorry I murdered him.” The truth may have set Ben Linus free. I did love Lapidus’ line about this being the weirdest damn funeral he’d ever attended.

Mores Ape Visuals

I love a cave full of weird stuff right off the ocean. Very Planet of the Apes-ish. Smlocke takes the white (good) rock off of the scales and chucks it into the ocean. Smlocke loves a good inside joke.

Sawyer however doesn’t care for Smlocke’s insider humor and asks to see why he was really brought down here, to Jacob’s pad, (I’m supposing) which Smlocke is only too happy to do. He then reveals names scribbled on the walls of the inner cave – Many of the names strike Sawyer as familiar since they also shared that fateful crash with him all those years ago.

The Numbers.

Among the living members, and candidates for Jacob’s job, for you lazy few who are waiting for me to do all the heavy lifting, are: Locke — 4, Hurley — 8, Ford — 15, Jarrah — 16, Shephard — 23 and Kwon — 42. (I’m assuming Sun not Jin, but who knows?)

I also notice Claire Littleton’s name was crossed out, meaning Claire did die during that explosion. Man, I’m on fire.

After years of mind-fucking, time-traveling, and seeing dead people, Sawyer’s buttons have been firmly pressed. Little does he realize he’s just been set up as a patsy in one of the longest cons in the history of ever.

And Just One More Ben is Good Point

SLU Locke is happy as a substitute and Ben Linus turns out to be an anal retentive nebbish whose ears perk up when the conversation turns to the refined pursuit of a leisurely cup of mid-day tea. Ben was one of the good guys. Villains don’t drink tea.

Until Next Week

So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if you’re expecting to make out certain stains on the backside of certain people.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings, and to make out certain stains on the backside of certain people.) keep your laptop nearby, (You’ll never know when you might need check out the lyrics to an angry punk ) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.

Joe Oesterle is an award-winning writer and illustrator, but what he often fails to mention is that many of those awards were won on a New Jersey boardwalk. Check out Joe’s humorous review of the 1974 classic, “The Towering Inferno.”

http://joeartistwriter.wordpress.com/2010/02/14/towering-inferno-movie-review/

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A Guy Walks Onto a Plane…

Before I begin this week’s article I wanted to pass along a LOST appropriate joke I came across a few days ago.

A guy walks into the hospital and says, “Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.”

The doctor says, “When did this first happen?” And the guy said, “Next Tuesday.”

Get it? It’s a time joke. Who knew six years ago that jokes regarding the system of sequential relations would make us all laugh so knowingly? Who could have predicted this joke based on chronological intervals would prove so hilarious in 2010? Am I right? I mean, except for the future-viewing guy who went to the doctor’s office in the first place? Yes, he knew. He would have had to know, but who else?

What Else Does Kate Do?

Ok, hope you all enjoyed that bit of jocularity, because now it’s time to get serious as we take a look at a possible timeline and we witness What Kate Does.

One thing Kate does is run. Kate’s been a big avoider her entire life, and Safe Landing Universe Kate is just following the blueprint left by Island Bound Kate. So she hijacks a cab, and tries to hightail it out of LAX with a very pregnant Claire at her side. As the taxi makes it by Marshall Ed Mars, Kate is almost home free, except good ol’ Doc Arzt drops his luggage in the street and decides to recite lines from Midnight Cowboy. Everybody in L.A. wants to get into acting.

Did everybody else catch “the moment” Jack and Kate shared as Kate was holding a gun on Jack’s half-sister? Ahhh cryptic romance.

Say You, SayMIB.

Meanwhile, Miles is confused as to who or at least how many are now inhabiting Sayid’s body. Looks like I was kind of right and kind of wrong about Sayid’s fate last week — but I was more wrong. I guessed Sayid had become partially inhabited by Jacob, thus making him, Saycob. If anything, it looks like I should have taken Wesley Snipes advice and always bet on (The Man in) black because after placing him through a series of time-honored tests, Sayid now seems more like SayMIB (Half Sayid and half Man in Black. Damn I wish they’d give that guy a name.)

While none of us here can really say with any certainty what this island is, time-jumping island dweller Sawyer believes he’s got the answer — and his answer is Hell. We in the audience know better because Cuse and Lindelof told us it wasn’t hell, or heaven or even purgatory in season one. They told us that right after they told us there wouldn’t be any time travel, and everything on the show could be explained by science… Fuckers.

Later Skaters

Looks like Sawyer is also tired of those aforementioned fuckers, ‘cause he wants the hell out of hell and he no longer cares who he leaves behind. Sawyer started this series out as the heartless loner. He then evolved into the charming rogue and later became the respected leader. Fortune has once again spit on Jimmy Ford just as it did when he lost his parents at a young age, and he’s reverted to heartless loner. It’s a role he’s familiar with. He leaves, but not without Kate trekking after him once more.

Ape Has Killed Ape!

Our mysterious Japanese host sends some armed guards along with the search party, and it was nice to see Rob McElhenney (Mac from Always Sunny in Philadelphia — love that show) reprise his role as Aldo. As many of you know I’m a huge Planet of the Apes fan, so I get such an uncontrollably geeky smile on my face when the writers reference any Apes movie. Even the bad ones… except there were no bad ones. Each Apes movie is pure genius…. Even the bad ones…except there were no bad ones.

Aldo’s buddy revealed that they know about the Ajira crash, which is confusing me because I thought those planes crashed at different times too. Does this mean Sun, Ben and Frank have always been in the same year as Jack, Kate and Hurley, and if so why did Christian lie to them and tell them otherwise?

Even Pregnant Claire Could Have Caught Up To That Fat Cabbie.

Meanwhile back in Safe Landing Universe (SLU) Kate has already lost a fat cabbie hostage and told pregnant Claire to beat the bricks. Kate needs to find to a corrupt mechanic in Los Angeles. Luckily for her, immoral grease monkeys are as plentiful in the City of Angels as Yoshinoya Beef Bowls. Before you can say one Miso soup and a large Sierra Mist, Kate’s a free woman.

After scurrying through Claire’s purse, she finds that same stuffed Orca whale that Aaron was holding when Jack screams to Kate that she isn’t even related to the little towhead back during her 3 year Oceanic Six period. She decides to use that freedom by giving Claire her luggage back and dropping her off at the adoptive parents home. (Anybody have any idea if “Langdon Street” has any significance? It must) The problem is when they get there, and Claire convinces the fugitive with a heart of gold to go to the door with her, the ladies find out Aaron’s adoptive parents split up, and the prospective mother doesn’t no longer thinks childrearing is for her. Just then Claire’s water breaks, and Kate once again, acting in the unborn baby Aaron’s best interest, puts her own safety behind the well being of the innocent infant. Something Kate did time and time again during her three-year vacation from the island.

Plastic Dogen Band

Back on the Island Bound Universe (IBU) Dogen and Lennon are on to the game. The problem is so is SayMIB. Whatever game is being played is being played by gentlemen’s rules, and with dire consequences. The boys from the temple know this guy isn’t Sayid, at least not completely, and not anymore. And the guy who used to be completely Sayid knows they know he is no longer only Sayid, and is in reality SayMIB. Say what?

One thing that’s worth mentioning is while whoever is running around looking like Locke, he didn’t actually use Locke’s corpse. (As SLU Locke eluded to last episode, the body is not the person.) Whoever is creeping his way inside Sayid (and I’m calling him the MIB for now) is doing it in Sayid’s actual skin.

Jack isn’t sure what they just did to Sayid, but he charges in to see the big boys and Dogen’s guards almost can’t get out of their way fast enough to let him through. Dogen explains that “Sayid” is “infected” and Jack needs to give him some “medicine” to

Stop the disease from “spreading.” Jack sees right through those quotation marks but Dogen seems to guilt Jack into administering the pill to Sayid himself. After all, the pill needs to be taken of Sayid’s own free will and by someone he trusts.

Zombieland.

Oh and the zombie theorists have finally had their theory decapitated with a shovel. I did however enjoy the wink to a certain unrelenting undead fan base.

Here’s a flaw I find in Jack’s mistrust of the heads of the other Others. He witnessed and admitted that the other Others brought Sayid back from the dead. So why does he now think they are trying to kill him? I mean, I know they are — or at least I think they are. You can’t take anything for granted on this show, but at this stage Jack has more reason to believe that pill will do Sayid more good than harm. Why is he suddenly assuming the people who brought Sayid back from the dead, want to kill him again?

Meanwhile back on SLU

Sure Kate goes chasing behind Sawyer again, but the difference is this time Kate isn’t running after Sawyer because her fickle heart pointed her in that direction. This time Kate is keeping her word. Kate only went to that island to find Aaron’s mom, Claire.

Good news for all you Shaters (haters of the union) out there. Looks like Sawyer and Kate are not ever getting back together. Sawyer pretty much told her so when he showed Kate the diamond engagement ring he must have purchased at Radzinsky’s House of Diamonds back in the 70’s. He punctuated that sentiment when he took the ring meant for Juliet and tossed it into the ocean. I honestly believe in one of the rare times in this series Kate didn’t think of herself. She cried for Sawyer, then for Juliet. (By the way, this still points nicely to my belief that Sawyer will eventually end up with Juliet before everything is said and done.)

Doctor Goodspeed, Paging the Late Doctor Goodspeed

Funny how every time we see this guy he wants to stick a needle in Claire. As Claire decides she’s not quite ready to deliver the baby, LOST pulls out one of their favorite tricks. The old, make it look like something is dreadfully wrong, and then play it off that everything is fine misdirection. This time tragedy was averted sweetly and ended with a “Aaron is going to be a handful” joke, followed by a nice, “You’re doing great, Mommy,” by ol’ Doc Goodspeed.

Ya Gotta Have Hart.

And how about Claire covering for Kate, or as the cops referred to her as “Joan Hart.”

I’m not sure if that’s a reference to Joan Jet and the Blackhearts, (She formerly of the aptly named group “The Runaways”) or Sabrina The Teenage Witch star, Melissa Joan Hart. Beth Broderick who also starred on Sabrina plays Kate’s mother in this series. I’m at once happy and frustrated to report I never watched that show, so if any clues went over my head pertaining to that reference, please forgive me.

How many of you caught the date on Aaron’s ultrasound? 10/22/04. So unless I have my dates wrong, The Oceanic flight in SLU happens about a month later than the flight/crash on IBU.

Oh, and the LAPD don’t really need a time machine to go back and re-botch all their famous crime fighting blunders.

Free Will.

I also enjoyed it when Claire gave Kate her credit card as her way of saying thanks for shoving a gun in my face, stealing all my worldly possessions and giving me a trip to the hospital. “You don’t have to do this,” Kate protests. And Kate didn’t need to give the foreign pregnant girl a lift to the emergency room either, what with the cops hot on her trail, but the past three shows have featured the concept of free will. (Or “Free Willy” if you want to interpret Unborn Aaron’s stuffed whale that way. By the way, you don’t have to interpret it that way, and I wish you didn’t. I just couldn’t stop myself from writing it. It’s a very clever and very stupid pun, and I should be ashamed at myself… and I would be if not for the damned cleverness of it.)

After Jack refuses to give SayMIB the pill, he attempts to swallow it right in front of Dogen, who gives him a number of quick karate chops about the throat and neck, and Jack expels the capsule, which is revealed to be poison. Now come on Jack. You had no reason to distrust these guys in the first place if you really thought they saved Sayid’s life; why do you so suddenly feel that they want to kill him? I’m not following the logic.

When Jack finally asks why they want to poison Sayid, he is informed, Sayid has been “claimed.” He was also notified that the same thing happened to his sister.

Which, correct me if I’m wrong, but does that mean if Dogen and Lennon are good, that Christian and post-explosion Claire were evil. Then again, if Dogen and Lennon are evil, then ipso facto, Christian and post-explosion Claire are the good guys. Again, it’s the last season, and I don’t think they have the time to dick us around too much more. I’m going with the hunch that Dogen and Lennon are good guys. Which means this whole time (as I’ve always said) Ben was also on the good guy’s side… even though he had a strange way of fighting the good fight.

And then to no one’s surprise Claire ends up saving the day by shooting a couple more Others like a sexy, possessed little girl John Wayne.

Until Next Week

So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if you’re expecting to make out dates on prop ultra sounds.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings, purposes immediately after watching the show the first time.) keep your laptop nearby, (You’ll never know when you might need check out my darkly humorous Valentine’s Day animation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXFMAdCSD-k ) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.

Joe Oesterle is an award-winning writer and illustrator, but what he often fails to mention is that many of those awards were won on a New Jersey boardwalk. Check out some of Joe’s other writing, illustrations, animations, and photography. If he can’t get a blister doing it, Joe does it.

http://joeartistwriter.wordpress.com/

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