Joe’s Weekly, Lengthy but Humorous LOST Review (Glad to be back guys)
A Guy Walks Onto a Plane…
Before I begin this week’s article I wanted to pass along a LOST appropriate joke I came across a few days ago.
A guy walks into the hospital and says, “Doctor, doctor, I keep seeing into the future.”
The doctor says, “When did this first happen?” And the guy said, “Next Tuesday.”
Get it? It’s a time joke. Who knew six years ago that jokes regarding the system of sequential relations would make us all laugh so knowingly? Who could have predicted this joke based on chronological intervals would prove so hilarious in 2010? Am I right? I mean, except for the future-viewing guy who went to the doctor’s office in the first place? Yes, he knew. He would have had to know, but who else?
What Else Does Kate Do?
Ok, hope you all enjoyed that bit of jocularity, because now it’s time to get serious as we take a look at a possible timeline and we witness What Kate Does.
One thing Kate does is run. Kate’s been a big avoider her entire life, and Safe Landing Universe Kate is just following the blueprint left by Island Bound Kate. So she hijacks a cab, and tries to hightail it out of LAX with a very pregnant Claire at her side. As the taxi makes it by Marshall Ed Mars, Kate is almost home free, except good ol’ Doc Arzt drops his luggage in the street and decides to recite lines from Midnight Cowboy. Everybody in L.A. wants to get into acting.
Did everybody else catch “the moment” Jack and Kate shared as Kate was holding a gun on Jack’s half-sister? Ahhh cryptic romance.
Say You, SayMIB.
Meanwhile, Miles is confused as to who or at least how many are now inhabiting Sayid’s body. Looks like I was kind of right and kind of wrong about Sayid’s fate last week — but I was more wrong. I guessed Sayid had become partially inhabited by Jacob, thus making him, Saycob. If anything, it looks like I should have taken Wesley Snipes advice and always bet on (The Man in) black because after placing him through a series of time-honored tests, Sayid now seems more like SayMIB (Half Sayid and half Man in Black. Damn I wish they’d give that guy a name.)
While none of us here can really say with any certainty what this island is, time-jumping island dweller Sawyer believes he’s got the answer — and his answer is Hell. We in the audience know better because Cuse and Lindelof told us it wasn’t hell, or heaven or even purgatory in season one. They told us that right after they told us there wouldn’t be any time travel, and everything on the show could be explained by science… Fuckers.
Looks like Sawyer is also tired of those aforementioned fuckers, ‘cause he wants the hell out of hell and he no longer cares who he leaves behind. Sawyer started this series out as the heartless loner. He then evolved into the charming rogue and later became the respected leader. Fortune has once again spit on Jimmy Ford just as it did when he lost his parents at a young age, and he’s reverted to heartless loner. It’s a role he’s familiar with. He leaves, but not without Kate trekking after him once more.
Ape Has Killed Ape!
Our mysterious Japanese host sends some armed guards along with the search party, and it was nice to see Rob McElhenney (Mac from Always Sunny in Philadelphia — love that show) reprise his role as Aldo. As many of you know I’m a huge Planet of the Apes fan, so I get such an uncontrollably geeky smile on my face when the writers reference any Apes movie. Even the bad ones… except there were no bad ones. Each Apes movie is pure genius…. Even the bad ones…except there were no bad ones.
Aldo’s buddy revealed that they know about the Ajira crash, which is confusing me because I thought those planes crashed at different times too. Does this mean Sun, Ben and Frank have always been in the same year as Jack, Kate and Hurley, and if so why did Christian lie to them and tell them otherwise?
Even Pregnant Claire Could Have Caught Up To That Fat Cabbie.
Meanwhile back in Safe Landing Universe (SLU) Kate has already lost a fat cabbie hostage and told pregnant Claire to beat the bricks. Kate needs to find to a corrupt mechanic in Los Angeles. Luckily for her, immoral grease monkeys are as plentiful in the City of Angels as Yoshinoya Beef Bowls. Before you can say one Miso soup and a large Sierra Mist, Kate’s a free woman.
After scurrying through Claire’s purse, she finds that same stuffed Orca whale that Aaron was holding when Jack screams to Kate that she isn’t even related to the little towhead back during her 3 year Oceanic Six period. She decides to use that freedom by giving Claire her luggage back and dropping her off at the adoptive parents home. (Anybody have any idea if “Langdon Street” has any significance? It must) The problem is when they get there, and Claire convinces the fugitive with a heart of gold to go to the door with her, the ladies find out Aaron’s adoptive parents split up, and the prospective mother doesn’t no longer thinks childrearing is for her. Just then Claire’s water breaks, and Kate once again, acting in the unborn baby Aaron’s best interest, puts her own safety behind the well being of the innocent infant. Something Kate did time and time again during her three-year vacation from the island.
Plastic Dogen Band
Back on the Island Bound Universe (IBU) Dogen and Lennon are on to the game. The problem is so is SayMIB. Whatever game is being played is being played by gentlemen’s rules, and with dire consequences. The boys from the temple know this guy isn’t Sayid, at least not completely, and not anymore. And the guy who used to be completely Sayid knows they know he is no longer only Sayid, and is in reality SayMIB. Say what?
One thing that’s worth mentioning is while whoever is running around looking like Locke, he didn’t actually use Locke’s corpse. (As SLU Locke eluded to last episode, the body is not the person.) Whoever is creeping his way inside Sayid (and I’m calling him the MIB for now) is doing it in Sayid’s actual skin.
Jack isn’t sure what they just did to Sayid, but he charges in to see the big boys and Dogen’s guards almost can’t get out of their way fast enough to let him through. Dogen explains that “Sayid” is “infected” and Jack needs to give him some “medicine” to
Stop the disease from “spreading.” Jack sees right through those quotation marks but Dogen seems to guilt Jack into administering the pill to Sayid himself. After all, the pill needs to be taken of Sayid’s own free will and by someone he trusts.
Oh and the zombie theorists have finally had their theory decapitated with a shovel. I did however enjoy the wink to a certain unrelenting undead fan base.
Here’s a flaw I find in Jack’s mistrust of the heads of the other Others. He witnessed and admitted that the other Others brought Sayid back from the dead. So why does he now think they are trying to kill him? I mean, I know they are — or at least I think they are. You can’t take anything for granted on this show, but at this stage Jack has more reason to believe that pill will do Sayid more good than harm. Why is he suddenly assuming the people who brought Sayid back from the dead, want to kill him again?
Meanwhile back on SLU
Sure Kate goes chasing behind Sawyer again, but the difference is this time Kate isn’t running after Sawyer because her fickle heart pointed her in that direction. This time Kate is keeping her word. Kate only went to that island to find Aaron’s mom, Claire.
Good news for all you Shaters (haters of the union) out there. Looks like Sawyer and Kate are not ever getting back together. Sawyer pretty much told her so when he showed Kate the diamond engagement ring he must have purchased at Radzinsky’s House of Diamonds back in the 70’s. He punctuated that sentiment when he took the ring meant for Juliet and tossed it into the ocean. I honestly believe in one of the rare times in this series Kate didn’t think of herself. She cried for Sawyer, then for Juliet. (By the way, this still points nicely to my belief that Sawyer will eventually end up with Juliet before everything is said and done.)
Doctor Goodspeed, Paging the Late Doctor Goodspeed
Funny how every time we see this guy he wants to stick a needle in Claire. As Claire decides she’s not quite ready to deliver the baby, LOST pulls out one of their favorite tricks. The old, make it look like something is dreadfully wrong, and then play it off that everything is fine misdirection. This time tragedy was averted sweetly and ended with a “Aaron is going to be a handful” joke, followed by a nice, “You’re doing great, Mommy,” by ol’ Doc Goodspeed.
Ya Gotta Have Hart.
And how about Claire covering for Kate, or as the cops referred to her as “Joan Hart.”
I’m not sure if that’s a reference to Joan Jet and the Blackhearts, (She formerly of the aptly named group “The Runaways”) or Sabrina The Teenage Witch star, Melissa Joan Hart. Beth Broderick who also starred on Sabrina plays Kate’s mother in this series. I’m at once happy and frustrated to report I never watched that show, so if any clues went over my head pertaining to that reference, please forgive me.
How many of you caught the date on Aaron’s ultrasound? 10/22/04. So unless I have my dates wrong, The Oceanic flight in SLU happens about a month later than the flight/crash on IBU.
Oh, and the LAPD don’t really need a time machine to go back and re-botch all their famous crime fighting blunders.
I also enjoyed it when Claire gave Kate her credit card as her way of saying thanks for shoving a gun in my face, stealing all my worldly possessions and giving me a trip to the hospital. “You don’t have to do this,” Kate protests. And Kate didn’t need to give the foreign pregnant girl a lift to the emergency room either, what with the cops hot on her trail, but the past three shows have featured the concept of free will. (Or “Free Willy” if you want to interpret Unborn Aaron’s stuffed whale that way. By the way, you don’t have to interpret it that way, and I wish you didn’t. I just couldn’t stop myself from writing it. It’s a very clever and very stupid pun, and I should be ashamed at myself… and I would be if not for the damned cleverness of it.)
After Jack refuses to give SayMIB the pill, he attempts to swallow it right in front of Dogen, who gives him a number of quick karate chops about the throat and neck, and Jack expels the capsule, which is revealed to be poison. Now come on Jack. You had no reason to distrust these guys in the first place if you really thought they saved Sayid’s life; why do you so suddenly feel that they want to kill him? I’m not following the logic.
When Jack finally asks why they want to poison Sayid, he is informed, Sayid has been “claimed.” He was also notified that the same thing happened to his sister.
Which, correct me if I’m wrong, but does that mean if Dogen and Lennon are good, that Christian and post-explosion Claire were evil. Then again, if Dogen and Lennon are evil, then ipso facto, Christian and post-explosion Claire are the good guys. Again, it’s the last season, and I don’t think they have the time to dick us around too much more. I’m going with the hunch that Dogen and Lennon are good guys. Which means this whole time (as I’ve always said) Ben was also on the good guy’s side… even though he had a strange way of fighting the good fight.
And then to no one’s surprise Claire ends up saving the day by shooting a couple more Others like a sexy, possessed little girl John Wayne.
Until Next Week
So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if you’re expecting to make out dates on prop ultra sounds.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings, purposes immediately after watching the show the first time.) keep your laptop nearby, (You’ll never know when you might need check out my darkly humorous Valentine’s Day animation. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXFMAdCSD-k ) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.
Joe Oesterle is an award-winning writer and illustrator, but what he often fails to mention is that many of those awards were won on a New Jersey boardwalk. Check out some of Joe’s other writing, illustrations, animations, and photography. If he can’t get a blister doing it, Joe does it.