The Egotistical Pilot and the Plumber Lady

I decided to go ahead and further embarrass myself on this site by diving into an idea that cocoadoll brought up a few days ago. It’s a short story I created involving every single Lost episode title, in chronological order, from the beginning. If you want to try this yourself, you are admitting to everyone that you have more time on your hands than you know what to do with…..which is actually a good thing these days, especially in this society. . . . .Anyway, excuse the lack of grammar in this “story”. I don’t read books very often and I don’t know shit about the English language in terms of how to write it in it’s proper form. I’m going to write this fiction in first person, so wish me luck.

The Pilot and the Plumber Lady

It was a late April morning here in the midwest of what was once considered to be the strongest defended nation on the planet. For the past two weeks however, this country’s been missing one of it’s finest military weapons ever known to man: Me. I’d consider myself to be a complicated individual. I’d even venture to say I have two major parts to my personality. I’m an F-16 pilot: part 1, and an F-16 pilot: part 2. It goes without saying, I’m a helluva pilot, and I’m the most dangerous militant on this planet.

A couple Saturdays ago, I was mowing my grass with a chainsaw, like a real man, and my MP3 player’s battery decided to run out of juice. In a fit of rage, I drove the chainsaw through my right leg, rupturing my tibia, as well as my tabula rasa. I couldn’t believe what I had just done. I tried with all my might to walkabout the yard, but when a destroyed leg is barely hanging off a hamstring, it’s time to lay down and call “911”. So I preceded to do so. For whatever reason, it took the ambulance a solid 2 hours to reach my residence. During my wait, I passed out in the yard. I dreamt of the scene in Monty Python’s Holy Grail where that silly white rabbit comes out of the cave, and demolishes everyone prior to meeting the debris of thy holy hand grenade. The ambulance had finally arrived and the medics took me to the hospital with me still out cold.
“HOUSE OF THE RISING SUN!!” I exclaimed, as I awoke in a cold sweat. I was in a small room, and a very peculiar looking doctor to my right asked me what I had said.
“No idea”, I muttered in embarrassment. “Who are you?”
“Doctor Taylor. But some call me, “the moth””
“Why do people call you “the moth””, I asked with my fingers making air quotes.
He replied with a solid smile, “I have an abundance of confidence, man. Just like a moth.”


Okay, I have to stop. I just realized how many episodes titles there actually are. I apologize. The plumber lady was gonna be hot too dammit.

I’m going to go ahead and post this anyway strictly to show you all that I tried. Thanks for reading it anyway.

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So......I guess LOST was a good show.....WAS a good show.

4 thoughts on “The Egotistical Pilot and the Plumber Lady

  1. fin…? What do you mean fin?

    You did a very nice job so far…I say…go for it and finish it off!

    I didnt even get to hear about the hot plumber…I bet she would have had freckles…

  2. I thought “fin” was french for “the end”. I always thought it was a classy way of ending a masterpiece.

    Anyway thanks. Freckles huh? we’ll see…

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