Wacky theory

I desperately hope this is just an off the wall wacky idea because I hate it… but-

The groundwork: First lets get this straight. As well read and literate and brilliant as the producers and writers of LOST are… IT’S JUST A T.V. SHOW !

I do not mean that in a reductionist sense, do not get me wrong. I am just saying that the producers are in a lose-lose situation right now. They need and have always needed a simple unifying explanation for ALL the phenomenon that they have let loose on us since the pilot episode. And it has to be visual and easy to understand for the OTHER 75% of the American viewing public that do not want a long-winded physics lecture on Cassimir effects and event horizons and Quantum string theory (all the things I love). They need a good ol’ fashioned reveal… A man behind the curtain pulling levers…

This will, of course disapoint the core of LOST fans who are delving into the deeper layers looking for a hidden agenda. No J.F.K. conspiracy theorist likes to hear ‘Get over it. It was just Harvey Oswald!’

But here is the thing. All they have to do is string us along ’til the last episode. They have all the dvd sales in the kitty. They will have sold all the merchandise and advertising for the original broadcasts. If, as the newspaper editor in Citizen Kane says: ‘It will probably turn out to be something really simple’ and the hard core fans do not like it… Well too bad,

So her it is.

Jacob is an extra-terrestrial laying wounded at the bottom of an extinct volcano on a deserted Pacific island. Don’t laugh. I am (unfortunately) serious.

He is in a state of Stasis (remember Cocoon?) while he awaits rescue. The ship is damaged and the engine core (warp core or whatever) is breached and emitting waves of (insert any techno-babble you wish here) that are disrupting the time space continuum on earth. Before crawling into his stasis chamber he setup an automated perimeter guard (black smoke anyone?) that evaluates local life forms as possible threats and either ignores them or eliminates them. Remember that the second time John Locke meets the monster (?) it tries to drag him down to the island’s core.

Perhaps old Smokey has the capacity to imitate the shape and sound of life forms to lead people away from the ship to keep it safe. Maybe Smokey is just bored of guard duty and having fun with the locals.

Speaking of locals. Because of the healing properties on the island (the alien healing trance) primitive peoples from all over the Pacific basin have rowed to the fabled island, or more likely the island was larger and closer to the mainland originally and became known as Atlantis or Mu or whatever. Following a volcanic erruption the lost civilisation became… Well, LOST ! Only the island is left. Hence vestiges of the four toed statue built in honor of the volcanic god.

Skip ahead to the 19th century. 1845. Black Rock arrives. Crew and surviving slaves set up shop. War with and then marry local tribes. (shades of Pitcairn island). One of the sailors manages to build a raft ond sail away carrying the First Mate’s log book. He gets picked up by pirates and dies or survives. The pirates are in turn destroyed by the British Navy’s famed Admiral MacCutcheon (Ach! well doone laddy!) before he retires to Scotland to brew the family receipe in the highlands.

So that is when Widmore, Dharma and the rest step in to study Jacob. They start to figure out how to harness the awesome power of the island – build power and other stations at the end of the lava tubes that lead out underground from the Volcano’s crater… Anyways. Some of the locals who revered Jacob as a god do not take kindly to him being prodded with sticks by the local Namaste boys.

I am probably going too far with this. Suffice it to say that Jack, Sawyer and Kate, crawling through dark tunnels towards the SOURCE of all that power at the very CORE of the island at least has the virtue of being something visual to work towards. They come upon and alien vessel. They manage to communicate with the smoke monster through Christian. It moans: ‘Need doctor!’ Jack opens the final hatch. Gives Jacob two aspirin or at least puts him out of his misery with a two-by-four (or better yet with Eko’s stick) and everybody goes home. Or maybe Dr. No activates the island’s self-destruct sequence (these primitives cannot be allowed to get their hands on this technology, prime directive and all that)

Like I said. I hate it, but…