Joe’s Weekly, Lengthy, Humorous LOST Review (Give it a try)

Sayid Jarrah — Man of Action, Man of Love

I certainly can’t fault this week’s episode for lack of action. Both incarnations of Sayid were in top mother-fucking, ass-kicking form Tuesday night. And while we do love to watch Sayid kick some mother-fucking ass, this show has never been about putting action above all else; something was missing. Where were the pop culture/religious/mythological/literary/philosophical references? This episode showed some interesting character arcs, but seemed to focus more on the kicking and the punching and the hurting.

As soon as the hour passed, I realized the similarities between kung fu, and kung pao. After an hour of either, you’re still left hungry.

This is not to say there weren’t clues in this episode. The yellow roses were a big clue Nadia was not Sayid’s, and an even bigger clue that even in “Safe Landing Universe,” Sayid’s life was not going to be a bed of roses, regardless what color the petals are.

Suffice it to say Sayid knows it’s nothing but red roses for the object of your love – unless you object to showing such affection to your brother’s wife. The guy may break spines, but he doesn’t break the guy code.


And what did Sayid bring back from his little Aussie sojourn? Boomerangs. You know, those things that keep coming back to you — like a circle. The symbolism here works a couple ways. One — The Oceanic Gang, like a boomerang, sooner or later had to return to the island, and two — regardless of the universe, Sayid always seems destined to return to his violent ways.

I have a question about the photo of Nadia that Sayid always carries around. Who the hell took this picture, and why is this the photo she decided to give him as a remembrance of herself? I’m not even saying this is a clue, but if a girl gives a picture to a guy she likes, she’s usually at least smiling at the camera. In my experience chicks rarely say goodbye with a surveillance shot with a zoom lens from 40 yards away. Not sure if this has ever been discussed, but I’m open to answers.

Fists of Fury

Now let’s get back to the ass-kicking. Man did Sayid screw with Dogen’s feng shui or what? After Dogen took out Jack with such ease I knew the temple’s protector would be a match for the former Iraqi soldier. Dogen sensed this too, which is why he could not contain his anger after Sayid declared he was a “good man,” and started off the donnybrook with a bit of a sucker punch. That was some great Bruce Lee shit going down there too. If it weren’t for that baseball dropping…

We’re Talkin’ Baseball

Which brings us to the effective imagery in this episode and the constantly reoccurring theme of Father and Son. A simple well-worn baseball has always been able to conjure up childhood emotions in most every fully grown American man. Whether you remember your dad tossing you the old horsehide, or you resent your old man for never having the time to play catch with you, that silly little stitched up spheroid can bring tears to the eyes of nearly every adult male.

Baseball plays a big role in LOST’s central characters. We all recall Christian Shephard’s line about the Red Sox winning the Series. Sawyer, recounted that story to Jack. Kate and her childhood boyfriend Tommy stuck a baseball hat in their time capsule. One of the objects Richard placed before a young John Locke is a baseball mitt, and as recently as last week, Jack hooks up cable so his son David can watch the BoSox, but as evident in the photo on his mirror, Jack’s kid is a Dodger’s fan.

Big Brother is Watching, and Pleading

Looks like Omar needs help from his little brother Sayid once again. You kill a chicken as a good deed 30 years ago, and the guy never stops asking for favors. Much to the younger Jarrah’s dismay, big brother is not only a man who can’t fight his own battles. He’s also not afraid to call Sayid out on being at the root of his soul, a killer. “I know what kind of man you are, Sayid,” the elder Jarrah chides.

There are times Sayid kids himself into believing he’s done with that lifestyle, but like Michael in the Godfather III, it keeps pulling him back in.

Evil Incarnate

Dogen may realize Sayid’s inner scale tips toward the black, but that doesn’t prevent him from hatching a plan that in his mind will either have Sayid kill Smlocke or get Sayid killed. Either outcome, and Dogen is content.

Sadly, Dogen didn’t count on being outsmarted by his opponent, but in Dogen’s defense, this particular challenger is “evil incarnate,” and if we take all the biblical allusions of the past six years into account, it may not be too early to call Smlocke the devil himself.

Clearly there’s a reason we haven’t heard the Man in Black’s name uttered by anyone, including his good buddy, Claire. My guess is once his name is revealed; we’ll know (if we don’t already) the good guys from the bad guys.

So Dogen sets Sayid out on a can’t miss mission. He either kills the bad guy (before he utters a sound) or he feels the unholy wrath of the bad guy, and in Dogen’s mind at least, Sayid is out of the picture. Dogen never planned on Option 3. In fairness, if this adversary is the devil, he’s had a few more centuries of trickery than our merely mortal guardian of the sanctuary.

Smlocke literally shames Sayid out of buying into Dogen’s version of the truth. The bald-headed badass doesn’t react to a sword in the chest with any malice whatsoever. He’s more concerned with the mindset of a man who would commit such an act, based purely on the fact that the guy who beat and tortured him hinted it was his final shot at redemption. Sayid wanted to listen to his better angels, but instead, Wrong-Side Sayid boomeranged back to a fallen angel.

Sayid initially felt, much like Sawyer a few weeks past, that he might be getting played by Smlocke here. The difference is Sayid’s a killer, not a conman. He may have suspected the con, but with enough poise and some stilted facts, a good confidence man can bamboozle a natural born killer into thinking he needs to join his team.

I still hold out hope however that Sawyer is playing the long con.

Breaking a Few Eggs

Back on SLU, Sayid is also being taken for a ride. This time though it’s by a couple of bad men who have vaguely, yet intentionally hinted at harming his nephew and niece if he refuses to comply. Sure if you leave Uncle Sayid alone with the kids, he’ll destroy (and try to mend) your favorite vase, but leave him alone with the men who put his brother in Jack’s hospital, and just like an Aborigine’s curved piece of wood, mother-fucking, ass-kicking Sayid shows back up.

Did anyone call Keamy making a guest appearance? I certainly didn’t. And I really tried to come up with some sort of meaning to SLU Keamy’s assertion that he’s some sort of egg wizard. “I make good eggs,” is exactly the kind of line that means so much more than it seems, yet for the life of me I can’t determine if this is a riddle, much less unravel it. Is this an Easter egg, or to paraphrase the great neurologist, is an egg sometimes just an egg? Regardless, Sayid didn’t mind cracking a few to bad his “you messed with the wrong man” omelet.

Speaking of not seeing that one coming, who saw the next one coming? Jin tied up in the freezer. We know Jin was delivering a watch from Sun father’s Mr. Paik. We also know that Martin Keamy worked for one Charles Widmore in the original timeline. Can we assume that Mr. Paik and Mr. Widmore have been on the same side all along, and perhaps Paik set his son-in-law up by turning him on a suicide mission, into the waiting arms of Widmore’s egg-loving goons?

Going for a Dip

And so Sayid returns (like a boomerang) to Dogen to hand him back his sword, and also ask him why Dogen didn’t kill Sayid when he had the opportunity. My guess is even though Sayid is “infected,” and even though that infection is quickly taking over his immune system, Dogen could not have killed Sayid because technically he’s still a candidate.

Dogen either intentionally dodges Sayid’s inquiry, or he’s too wrapped up in the guilt of his drunken behavior behind the wheel which almost, if not for the grace, and hard bargaining of Jacob, would have cost Dogen’s son his life.

Making the mistake that unlike Jack, Dogen can’t let his guard down against this 815er, Sayid takes a play from Dogen’s own tricky playbook and strikes first — leaving Dogen, and later the helpless Lennon literally dead in the water. Now how Dogen’s death invalidates the ash boundary that has up until this time kept Smlocke at bay we don’t yet know, and once again, I’m happy to entertain answers on this subject.

Linus’ Laundry

And if you thought Sawyer had skidmarks on his drawers a couple of episodes back, what do you think Ben Linus’ tighty whities look like these days? That guy has been doing little more than shitting his pants every time he makes an appearance.

Jacob disappeared in the flames- shit. Locke turns into a homicidal plume of smoke — shit. He sees Locke’s corpse as he’s following Smlocke — shit. And now Ben just displaced another 3 to five pounds of human waste from his bowels to his underpants when Sayid gave him that scary smile. Seriously, could someone please give Ben a new pair of undies? Hell even Sawyer’s used pair would be an improvement.

Suddenly I Don’t Hate Kate

Meanwhile Claire may still be hot (or even hotter if you like wild-haired, impetuously murderous crazy chicks) but she is certainly very cold to the notion that Kate raised her baby off the island for three years. She is certain that she’s safe down in her little cubbyhole.

I can’t shake the feeling that even though Kate willingly joined Smlocke’s Soldiers that her heart’s just not in it. (And where was Sawyer during all of this? Hopefully washing his whites in hot water and plenty of bleach.)

Claire isn’t likely going to let Kate join the merry band of murdering misfits, and Smlocke seemed a bit bewildered at Kate’s decision to follow. It’s as if Smlocke figures, what the hell, the girl has a nice rack, I’ll let her tag along for a while. Smlocke may be evil, but he ain’t crazy.

Until Next Week

So until next week, fire up your Hi-Def TV, (Imperative if you’re expecting to make out if there were any human forms in the Smoke Monster… I didn’t catch any.) make sure you hit the record function on your TiVo, (For multiple viewings of the flower motif in Nadia’s kitchen — though I don’t know if that means anything) load up that bong, (For some of us, LOST isn’t our only drug of choice.) and get ready to get LOST.

And while you’re in the reading mood, check out Joe’s “Way Too Late Movie Review.” This week, it’s “The Highlander,”

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Joe Oesterle is an award winning writer and illustrator, but what he often fails to mention is that many of those awards were won on a New Jersey boardwalk, shooting a water pistol into the mouth of a plastic clown in an effort to be the first to pop the balloon. Joe has been the Art Director and Senior Editor of the National Lampoon, and his work has appeared in television, radio, books (including Weird California), magazines, and web sites. Joe also has a number of years of experience in both the apparel industry and the advertising world as an Art Director. He has remained relatively unharmed by the experiences. He also wrote, directed, and performed in an animated short that is on display at the Smithsonian Institution. If you are a high powered Hollywood mogul on the look-out for a sheer comic and artistic genius, contact him here, or at He is not much of a business man, so you could probably cheat him out of some brilliant ideas. (Of which he has plenty.) And Don’t forget to check out the rest of this site. Stories, Illustrations, photography, animation, plus lots more….. actually very little more than that…. but come on…. that’s a lot. Just click the Home page, and scroll deep.

6 thoughts on “Joe’s Weekly, Lengthy, Humorous LOST Review (Give it a try)

  1. LMFAO–Bravo! “Hell even Sawyer’s used pair would be an improvement”–genius–Can you come hang out at my house sometimes just to make me laugh? 😀

  2. @Chiefor16, there are plenty of reasons I need to get looked at. My hunger doesn’t even crack the top ten.

    @Odette, it would be an honor to swing by your place and play court jester for you. I just got my jingle jangle hat back from the dry cleaners, and my garishly colored tights are neatly folded in my top drawer. Let me know what days work best for you. 😉

  3. One can’t avoid wondering what would have happened if Dogen had killed Sayid or any other candidate. Would Dogen’s deal with Jacob be off and hence Dogen’s son dead?

  4. The only other reference to eggs that I can think of is Eggtown. Lostpedia had the following to say on the episode title Eggtown:

    “The title of this episode baffled many fans. Carlton Cuse explained: Really, we could spend a lot of time talking about the titles that don’t make sense, but the title “Eggtown” referred to the fact that Locke fixed a couple of eggs for Ben at the beginning of the episode, and then there’s also the episode had a lot to do with Kate’s pregnancy, and pregnancy involves eggs, and so that was the other kind of, sort of metaphoric significance of the title “Eggtown”. (Official Lost Audio Podcast transcript/February 28, 2008)”

  5. @ilieintheshadowofthestatue, obviously Dogen was kept from killing our Losties by some governing law. Perhaps the consequence would be that his son dies, but man, if Jacob is the good guy, that is a harsh punishment.

    I do remember the Eggtown episode, and all the title speculation that came from that. These guys love doublle meanings, so I’m still curious about Keamy’s assertion that he makkes good eggs.

    Thanks for writing,

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